Man City forward relieved of £23k worth of bling

Darius Vassell may have looked like the belle of the ball in the £15,000 Cartier watch and £8,000 earrings that he wore to Manchester City’s Christmas party on Sunday night, but his grotesque display of wealth left him subject to the wants of nasty criminal types:

The Manchester City forward was “roughed up” as his Cartier watch and jewellery were snatched.

It is understood that Vassell shared a taxi with a woman back to his apartment in Didsbury. He got out to allow the woman to continue her journey and was arguing about the fare when he was attacked.

Frankly, for his failure to adhere to the Premier League Players’ Behaviour Code, Vassell had this attack coming. What kind of self respecting millionaire sportsman argues about a cab fare? And more importantly, how many players let a woman “continue her journey” rather than taking her home and sealing the deal? Come on Darius, what would Robinho have to say about that gentlemanly blunder?

The men who have shouldered the blame this season

On matchday, Premier League football fans need three things to sustain their interest in the beautiful game: an overpriced ticket for a flimsy plastic seat, a weak pint (to be consumed away from the playing surface, Mr Ashley) and a good scapegoat on which to blame the entire team’s shortcomings.

Here’s the top ten players and managers who have been made to bear the brunt of their club’s collective sins in 2008/09 thus far…

Nicklas Bendtner (Arsenal)
The Spoiler’s Arsenal correspondent claims that Bendtner has overtaken Emmanuel Eboue in the Emirates scapegoat stakes, being vilified to such an extent on Saturday that Emmanuel Adebayor received a hero’s reception when he was brought off the bench to offer some firepower.

Jermaine Jenas (Tottenham)
Heurelho Gomes has put in a sturdy challenge in recent weeks but he still has a fair way to go before toppling Jenas, who has been the main subject of clenched fists and growling at White Hart Lane for a few years now.

Florent Malouda (Chelsea)
Apparently being the midfielder who has provided the most assists in the Premier League this season isn’t enough to save you from abuse when you occasionally misplace a pass or have the audacity to have a shot saved.

Luis Boa Morte (West Ham)
Holds the dubious honour of being one of the only players in the world