This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

The Spoiler recently questioned why Rafael Benitez was selling Peter Crouch, one of his few strikers, to raise money to buy yet another midfielder. It looks like he hasn’t learnt his lesson, as he is now attempting to offload Andrei Voronin for £3 million. The reason? You’ve guessed it: to fund the Barry bid. The fashion conscious England hater won’t be missed, despite five goals in 13 league starts.

Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
The Spoiler was impressed with Sir Alex Ferguson’s professionalism yesterday after he announced his bid for a player without naming him. That was until we picked up today’s copy of The Sun and saw it plastered with quotes about Fergie wanting Berbatov.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe Real Madrid aren’t the only club without morals

Rob Green to Aston Villa
West Ham’s player of the season feels unappreciated because he is the club’s lowest-paid first-teamer and had his request for a new contract snubbed at the same time Dean Ashton got a rise. Hearing that Freddie Ljungberg could be given millions to disappear won’t have helped matters.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The board know it would be a season ticket sales disaster if the fans’ favourite leaves

Sunderland get ripped off again
Any Mackems hoping Sunderland wouldn’t be burning millions

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Inter have allegedly decided how much they wish to spend on Frank Lampard, but the newspapers have invented three different prices ranging from £8-11 million, while the Daily Star claim there has been no offer at all.

Despite all the signs to the contrary, however, Big Phil Scolari has claimed there is no chance of Lamps reuniting with his former lover Jose Mourinho this season.

Alexander Hleb to Barcelona
Hleb has confirmed he wants to leave because his style of play (brilliant one minute, woeful the next) doesn’t match Arsene Wenger’s. He also decided to take a dig at Cesc Fabregas, who wanted him to stay, by calling him selfish.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will leave, with Barca his preferred destination

Didier Drogba to stay
The Blues are begging someone to pay the reasonable enough sum of £24 million (just £200,000 more than they paid) for the Ivory Coast striker but nobody is willing to show him some love.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Milan may renew their interest

Tottenham Reserves to Blackburn
Juande Ramos is so desperate

Today’s transfer rumours, myths, hearsay and nonsense

Thus far in the closed season, the papers have been doing a sterling job of filling the back pages with half-truths and rumour. Throughout Euro 2008, the dailies have adhered to the following strict formula: (1) spot a player who is playing very well, then (2) link him with Chelsea. Today, it’s the turn of Russia’s soup du jour…

Andrei Arshavin to Chelsea
The logic is clear: Abramovich is close to the Russia squad, Arshavin has impressed at Euro 2008 and Scolari has a “blank chequebook.” So why is it only The Daily Star that have picked up on it?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Strong possibility

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
So the big transfer story of the weekend is the one that’s already been dragging on for weeks. Scolari has said Ronaldo will leave, Zidane has urged Madrid to break their transfer record and Ronaldo is expected to make another statement asking to go.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Just sell him already!

Darren Bent to Everton
The newspapers have decided to take a well-earned break from linking the Spurs flop with West Ham, Sunderland and Celtic, and have decided that Everton are now the favourites to sign him up.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A step up?

Louis Saha to Bolton
Gary Megson is finally admitting defeat

Today’s transfer rumours, brimming with metrosexuality

If the picture above is to be believed, Princess Frank has already packed his favourite makeup travel case ahead of a big new move to Milan. They’ll really dig his all-pink beachwear in the fashion capital, but will he go running to the open arms of The Special One or stick around to let Big Phil beat him like a red haired stepchild?

Frank Lampard to Inter
Internazionale confirmed Lampard as their number one transfer target yesterday, and now Mourinho and Scolari are both dangling club badges in front of his face, forcing him to choose which one to kiss.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We think he may love Mourinho a little more than Chelsea

Ronaldinho to Chelsea
Even though he’s still contracted to Barcelona, Deco has taken it upon himself to become Chelsea’s travel agent, by advising Ronaldinho to steer clear of smelly Manchester and move to petal-scented West London.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Can see it happening

Ivan Klasnic to Wigan
After scoring the winner for Croatia last night, Klasnic has decided it may be time to plunge for the glitz, glamour and endless excitement of Premier League football by signing for…Wigan.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Bigger clubs may come calling

David Bentley to Aston Villa
Bentley wants to leave Blackburn to get a shot at a club playing in the Champions League but he said he’d settle for UEFA Cup football. Surely he doesn’t want to play in the Intertoto with Villa though?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It’s Chelsea, The Spoiler told you that ages ago

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
It’s emerged that Harry Redknapp’s

Oh look, it’s almost the end of the season, and that’s when everyone starts applauding each other and shouting “good game, good game”, full of the joys of spring. Well, not over here at The Spoiler. Oh no. We’re still livid with some of the Premier League’s so-called “players”. This XI, for example, should be ashamed of themselves.

GK Petr Cech (Chelsea)
Such is the increasing nature of his facial injuries that most people expect Cech to play next season wearing a gimp mask. That aside, he’s spent most of 2007/08 busily sabotaging his reputation as the world’s best goalkeeper by setting up goals for Jonathan Woodgate in the Carling Cup final, and Ryan Babel in the Champions League.

DL John Arne Riise (Liverpool)
There was a time when Riise was synonymous with blistering shots bursting through the net and into someone’s face in the crowd, but this season he’s been more of an own goal specialist, with a stonker against Luton, and a bitch of a bouncer in the Champions League.

DC William Gallas (Arsenal)
Arsenal captains are strong proud men like Tony Adams and Patrick Viera, not whimpering cretins who flump off the pitch in tears or stage sit in protests for no reason whatsoever. A manchild.

DC Kolo Toure (Arsenal)
Toure was doing a fantastic job until he sloped off to Africa in January and lost all of his confidence. He then returned to Arsenal and started gifting people goals willy-nilly.

Wow, what a week of football. First Liverpool and Chelsea proved that it wasn’t just a coincidence that people start gouging their own eyes out whenever they play, then Man United and Barcelona strove to make a potentially exciting game completely rubbish. Congrats guys, mission accomplished. Still, we don’t totally hate football yet, and some crazy transfer talk has been filtering in aaaall morning…

Darren Bent to West Ham
The ghost of Darren Bent has been whispered to be returning to haunt his old boss. Spurs will then spend all of next season scratching their heads and debating why there is now a spare hook in the dressing room.

Luka Modric to Newcastle
Modric could have his pick of any Premier League club this summer, but his mum has spoken to Mark Viduka’s mum, and they want their boys to look after each other next season. Luka, of course, didn’t ask to be born, and will be found moping around the centre circle with luminous yellow snot on his brow.

El-Hadji Diouf to Manchester City
El-Hadge looks Manchester bound, which, he’ll be pleased to know, is about spitting distance from Bolton.

World’s second most expensive footballer could leave Barcelona for a song

Spanish papers are claiming today that Ronaldinho could buy himself out of his contract with Barcelona this summer for as little as 16 million Euros, or £12 million, which means that some lucky team could buy one of the planet’s finest players for significantly less than Darren Bent.

Ronaldinho’s lengthy and mysterious absence from the Barcelona first team suggests the gap between him and the younger Bent is narrowing alarmingly, although one recent guess in a Madrid paper claimed that the Barcelona directors had already had enough of him and his fondness for the night, and had made their minds up to get rid of him. To further develop the Bent theme, Spurs have been

Ready to feel jealous fifty times over?

Fans of great lists: get your reading slippers on. A terrifyingly solemn Portuguese website called futebolfinance.com has compiled a list of the fifty highest earning European footballers. It being Portugal, the sums are in euros (and it being Portugal no one playing for a Portuguese club side is on the list), but with one euro worth about 76p, by subtracting a quarter of the sum, the all-important pound value will be revealed.

Once you’ve managed to control the powerful waves of envy and indignation crashing together inside your head, the list makes for some interesting reading. Who’d have thought Darren Bent was top twenty? How much higher would he have been if he’d gone to West Ham instead? And since when was a Harry Kewell worth more than a Joe Cole?

1. Ricardo Kaka €9.000.000

2. Ronaldinho Gaucho €8.520.000

3. Frank Lampard €8.160.000

4. John Terry €8.160.000

5. Fernando Torres €7.920.000

6. Andriy Shevchenko €7.800.000

7. Michael Ballack €7.800.000

8. Cristiano Ronaldo €7.680.000

9. Thierry Henry €7.680.000

10. Steven Gerrard €7.680.000

more after the jump…