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Don’t worry Cheryl, you’ll be okay. Take it away, P.P. Arnold!

Style your hair like Nicklas Bendtner!

[Kickette]

Portsmouth want to sell their players NOW

[Mirror Football]

Vieira charged with violent conduct

[Pies]

The wonderful comedian, Mitch Hedberg!

[Interestment Comedy]

Women’s football gets unladylike

[Dirty Tackle]

Rooney’s on the brink of greatness, says Ruud Gullit

[Daily Mail]

Ahh what! Darren Bent’s stopped “tweeting”!

[The Sun]

Click here to claim a free £25 bet when opening a Betfair account

It’s been a miserable few months for Sunderland, who have taken just three points from their last nine league games but throughout the miserable run, Darren Bent has continued to score.

DBTheTruth has scored five in his last six outings and has found the net eight

You’ll never stop them all, Sir Alex

We’re in the middle of January, and true to form the weather is shit and absolutely nothing is going on. Like us, you may be wondering what young, moneyed professional footballers do in times like these?

De facto leader of the ‘Footballers on Twitter’ Union, Darren Bent, has just been to JD Sports to buy some trainers, despite having already bought five bags-full from somewhere else three days ago; and apparently considers looking for multi-million pound bachelor pads ‘hard work’. Last week he almost fainted on a plane.

Spurs talisman may call time on his career, for his own good…

It was all smiles around White Hart Lane this Saturday, as Heurelho Gomes‘ heroics and a wanky penner from derided ex-Spur Darren Bent propelled Tottenham to 4th spot, after a 2-0 victory against Sunderland. However, not everything went to plan for Harry Redknapp’s men - vice-captain Ledley King was subbed, through injury, 10 mins after the restart.

So far this season King has only played a full 90 minutes five times in eight league games, despite his infamous ultra-low intensity training sessions. Contract up for renewal in the summer, the Spurs backroom have a genuine dilemma on their hands as to whether the defender should stay on - and the cons are stacked against him.

I think we can safely say this is a step too far

Wow.

We follow them so you don’t have to

Above is a revealing snapshot into the life of a top footballer. Having mentioned the magnificent breakfast cereal Weetabix via his Twitter account, the good people at said product sent Darren Bent an entire box full. Because on 65k a week, it’s not as if he could afford his own. At this point, we’d like to add that thespoiler loves all breakfast cereals, indeed all foods, in fact all products ever made.

Meanwhile, no such luxury for James Collins, who spent last night watching ITV2 with his wife. Just after the conclusion of ‘Peter Andre: The Next Chapter’, Collins tweeted:

thinks Peter Andre is a top geeza!!

But the next programme was not to this televisual conniosseur’s liking. And who can blame him? At 10pm last night, ITV united two oxygen thieves in the same slot, by showing ‘Fearne and Peaches Geldof.’ Sadly, thespoiler was too busy chewing it’s own arm off to watch, but the promo we received promised, ‘Fearne gains exclusive access to the controversial Peaches Geldof - presenter, journalist, designer, party girl and daughter of Bob Geldof. In this extraordinary and revealing encounter, Fearne follows Peaches to discover the truth behind the headlines.’

Collins’ verdict was more succint:

Peaches Geldofa……….what a c*nt!!

Coming to a computer near you…

This Autumn’s WAG trend - pregnancy
( Kickette )

A Liverpool fan tells it how it is
( Caught Offside )

Ahead of Question Time tonight, here is Danielle Lloyd
( Big Smudge )

Maradona apologises to the ladies
( Eurosport )

Interested in what Darren Bent’s dinner looked like

Updates from important people

Morning peeps I might go to the beach today lol ha ha