Appearing in the Premier League for one season only…

Only once in Premier League history have all three promoted sides gone straight back down (Barnsley, Bolton and Palace in 1997/98) and for that reason it’s unlikely that West Brom, Stoke and Hull will all make a swift return to the Championship. Then again, looking at our team comprising the three newcomers’ best players, they’ll have their work cut out. Even Bolton wouldn’t touch most of these guys…

[Now including eleventh man George Boateng, a player who always slips under the radar, which might explain how we managed to leave him out of our initial list! - Ed.]

Scott Carson (West Brom)
A season away from the spotlight will benefit the 22-year-old whose form last season was clearly affected by the scrutiny that followed his England error. Carson’s last relegation battle was with Charlton two years ago and their fans voted him Player of the Year.

Marek Cech (West Brom)
The Slovakian left-back scored the equaliser that killed off Ireland’s slim Euro 2008 qualification hopes once and for all. He ended three seasons at Porto with three league titles and arrives with Champions League experience - not that the Baggies will be needing that!

Leon Cort (Stoke)
Neil Warnock’s decision to offload Carl Cort’s younger bro couldn’t have worked out better for the centre-back, with Stoke coming to his rescue and then taking him to the Premier League. Cort has

Proof that clubs are willing to pay much more for domestic goods

The national team couldn’t muster the will to qualify for Euro 2008, but somehow clubs continue to demand mega money for home grown talent. With David Bentley costing a princely sum, Gareth Barry’s non-negotiable fee and Andy Johnson’s imminent trade, it’s clear that players are far too expensive if they were born on this tiny island.

Hence, we think the time is right to consider ten of the most overpriced Englishman currently plying their trade in the Premier League, comparing their lofty prices with some better value foreign equivalents…

Shaun Wright-Phillips
Manchester City were heartbroken to lose their star player to Chelsea, but in hindsight getting £21 million was fantastic business. Four league goals in three seasons compared to ten in his last year at Citeh highlights his failure to step up.
Foreign equivalent: Amantino Mancini to Inter - £10 million

Owen Hargreaves
£17 million might not have been too steep for a 26-year-old midfielder, but his failure to dislodge Michael Carrick, his predecessor in the overpriced stakes, shows he has yet to live up to his price-tag.
Foreign equivalent: Yaya Toure to Barcelona - just over £7 million

Scott Parker
The midfielder moved from Charlton to Chelsea to Newcastle and then to West Ham for a combined fee of £23.5 million, but has still managed just three England caps. Injury limited Parker to 17 league starts last season, meaning West Ham are yet to receive value for their £7 million investment.
Foreign equivalent: Tim Cahill to Everton - £1.5 million

Dave Kitson
The ginger striker’s invaluable contribution to Reading’s relegation battle was

This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

In a crushing blow for fans of overweight Brazilians, it is being reported on the AC Milan website that a deal has been agreed to bring Ronaldinho to the San Siro this coming season. Just to rub it in, it’s thought that Milan aren’t even offering Barca as much cash, and Ronny’s agent brother claimed he had negotiated a £25m deal with Citeh just yesterday. Still, it could all be a blessing in disguise - the podgy one, pictured above with AC Milan bigwig Adriano Galliani, would have undoubtedly capsized the trawler on the way to the Faroe Islands tomorrow…

Valon Behrami to West Ham
The right-back known as the “Swiss David Beckham” has invoked another weird contract clause that will allow West Ham to sign him for £1.5 million rather than the £11 million Lazio have demanded. It casts doubts over the future of captain Lucas Neill, who may ruin the party for City fans happy they avoided Ronaldinho.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If the Daily Mail are actually printing something positive about West Ham, it must be true

Anton Ferdinand rejects Newcastle
Newcastle’s madcap scheme of basing their transfer recruiters in London hasn’t helped them bring in any defenders this summer. First, Richard Dunne decided he’d rather win his thousandth player of the season award at Man City and now Soulja Boy Ferdinand has decided that not even the Newcastle nightlife is enough to make playing with Joey Barton sound tempting.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: West Ham seem happy to lose Anton but he doesn’t want to go

Tal Ben-Haim to Man City
Slimeball Peter Kenyon is still laughing after flogging flop Steve Sidwell for £5 million

All of today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Before Euro 2008, Manchester City and Everton were leading the chase for the fashion student/amazing footballer. Unfortunately he revealed himself to be world class and now looks like making a dream move to Barcelona, who have made a formal approach. His agent claims there have already been five offers for his signature, and the price being bandied around is currently £10m.

The Ronaldo saga latest
He may be acting like a spoilt brat, but Ronaldo is a man of principle. Accordingly, he has kindly agreed to pay Manchester Utd the courtesy of showing up for pre-season training in exchange for his £120,000-a-week wages.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Come on papers, try harder than this to find a story

Peter Crouch to Arsenal
The Daily Mirror have been doing their homework and decided that Arsene Wenger, famous for his cautiousness with money, will match the eight-figure valuation for a benchwarmer at a club they finished above.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Unconvinced

Or…Crouch and Yossi Benayoun to Tottenham
Slightly more convincing than the Arsenal story,

If Wenger doesn’t need new defenders, then what does he need?

While Tottenham have got to work early and spent big on Luka Modric and Giovani dos Santos, Arsenal are still on the starting blocks, with the first sign of any transfer activity at the Emirates being quickly shot down by Arsene Wenger:

“I have been interested in Vincent Kompany ever since he was 16, but I am not interested in him this year. There is nobody I need for my team’s defensive department.”

Which of course prompts the question: what’s the point of tracking someone for six years if you have no intention to signing them? By acting much like a flirtatious girl who makes you believe she’s the one but who will quickly break your heart, perhaps Arsene is telling us he simply enjoys the thrill of the chase.

Anyway, Arsenal’s reticence to invest has spurred The Spoiler to consider where each London club needs to improve next season.

So we did a think and then gone wrote it down:

Chelsea

Top priority:
Flair players - Big Phil hasn’t just been brought to Chelsea to win trophies, he’s expected to bring some Brazilian flair to the job and make the Blues exciting to watch as well as being scarily efficient.

Fitting the bill: Ronaldinho, Kaka, Franck Ribery

Arsenal

Top priority:
Depth in midfield - Diarra then Flamini have gone, Hleb’s inconsistent, Rosicky’s injured, Gilberto’s past his best and Fabregas got tired last year so it’s clear that Arsenal need to bolster their midfield, and potentially bring in a new keeper.

Fitting the bill: Gareth Barry, Samir Nasri, Hatem Ben Arfa, Bastian Schweinsteiger

West Ham

Top priority:
New medical team/left-winger - Take away the dozen injuries West Ham had for most of last season and they’ve got perhaps the biggest squad in the league.

The left wing is a problem though: the fans turned on Boa Morte and he wants out while Etherington is always injured.

Fitting the bill: Stephen Hunt, Damien Duff, Pablo Aimar

Tottenham

Top priority:
New goalkeeper and striker