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[Studs Up]

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[Soccerlens]

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[The Daily Mail]

England’s new away kit REVEALED!

[Pies]

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[Dirty Tackle]

Grow a David Bentley beard!

[Kickette]

“Goodbye Fernando!”

Like the final few moments of a tense game of cards, the coming days should hopefully find the straight-faced transfer window stand off morphing into a hysterical scramble to get as much out of the situation as possible.

There will surely be tears, high pitched screaming, and - fingers crossed - the sight of grown men frantically throwing coins, car keys, and erotic photographs of their wives at footballers, as they shout empty promises about how good the weather is in the north. Here’s some of today’s transfer news - thanks to the like of The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, and others…

Jermain, meet your potential new team mate…

In a move known in the trade as “The Reverse Sol Campbell”, the word on the street is that Mathieu Flamini might yet find himself back in North London, only this time in the luminous white of Tottenham Hotspur.

The former Arsenal man has been having a torrid time of things at AC Milan, and has reportedly become rather miffed about constantly playing out of position at full-back.

“Goodbye Anfield!”

Thank sweet baby Moses that Mother Nature can’t snow on the spirits of hard working sports journalists. Yes, she has managed to bugger up the Carling Cup semi-finals. But can she freeze the transfer market? No sir, she can not.

Hence, while the rest of us huddle together in the snow, insisting that it actually makes scientific sense to remove our outer layers and be naked with one another, the people who gather stories for all of the big papers - The Sun, The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Daily Mail - have been sizzling up keyboards with news about footballers going from one club to another. Here’s what we know:

Even with Jack Frost feverishly smearing cold fingers all over the beardless areas of his face, Rafa Benitez might yet be able to squeeze a smile, with news that his three least-treasured possessions have finally found new homes.

As already reported, Babel could be Birmingham-bound. And further to that, the whisper is that Voronin - he who looks like he should be selling intriguing “happy” tablets at dance music festivals - is going to Dynamo Moscow, whilst Andrea Dossena (a man) has supposedly already signed for Napoli on the quiet.

On the downside for Benitez, his big January target Maxi Rodriguez mightn’t yet be in the bag. News drifting in suggests that Spurs could scupper the whole thing by offering David Bentley - quickly morphing from “man” into “currency” - as part of the deal.

Jones - set to do a “reverse David Bentley”?

Whether or not the phrase “hit the ground running” was coined with regard to sports journalists, no one knows. But, by gum, these people work around the clock. Sleep is for losers, they tell themselves. He who dares wins. Thine rewards shall be in the kingdom of Heaven. If there’s a God.

Here’s some football transfer updates dug up today by these fractious little Gollum-type figures (courtesy of The Daily Mail, The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Mirror etc…):

Regardless of the eye-catching views and beautiful beautiful women, Kenwyne Jones looks set to call time on his Sunderland days, with rumours abound that he might try out the glitz and glamour of Aston Villa. Or, indeed, that of Tottenham Hotspur, which is in London.

The bad news for Kenwyne is that the streets are not paved with gold. More often then not, they’re littered with old sweet wrappers and bloodied knives.

Should the striker choose to try out Spurs, increasingly loud whispers suggest that David Bentley - who has been as useful at Tottenham as a chocolate fireman in Mexico - will be moving in the exact opposite direction. They might even spot one another on parallel platforms at the train station.

Elsewhere in the world, Patrick Vieira could be another name on the Man City shopping list, which already features the unlikely trio of Younes Kaboul, Georgio Chiellini, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Maxi Rodriguez really wants to go to Liverpool, should Rafa somehow find someone bored and wealthy enough to take Babel off his hands.

And Freddy Adu - once regarded as the most exciting US footballer since Sly Stallone turned out in goal for a team of World War Two prisoners - might yet visit the gorgeous city of Hull. 

Pavlyuchenko - showing signs of unhappiness, apparently

It’s never really been in doubt that David Bentley and Roman Pavlyuchenko will be rocketing towards the Spurs exit in January. The former signed his death warrant about a week ago, when he upset Harry by dicking around in a practice match.

And Pavlyuchenko has basically been whining for months - the whisper is that he wants to return home to icy Russia. Has done for ages.

But who will take them?

According to today’s Daily Mail, Harry won’t let the pair move unless the price is right.

“David would like to move, there is no doubt about that. He feels he needs to move on and play. Obviously Pav wants to move but we are not mad to sell them. They are not going cheap and are both good players.”

Players who might even dust down their boots against Man City this evening.

There have been rumours of big name moves to the likes of Man City, Liverpool or Arsenal saving either of these players from their Tottenham slumber.

But is that just big talk? Let us know your thoughts on potential destinations with a comment.

David Bentley - a bit annoying

It’s been quite a few days for football rucks between players and managers, and the latest pair to fall out are David Bentley and Harry Redknapp. Although, thankfully, in this case Redknapp spared his player the naked headbutt treatment.

It does look, however, like Bentley will now be flogged on the quick in January, after he managed to infuriate his boss by repeatedly dicking around during a midweek practice match.

According to today’s Express, Bentley was lined up to play against Julian Dicks’ lowly Grays Athletic team - a Blue Square Premier side - and he spent the entire game doing pointless back-heels and hoofing the ball like a cretin.

Harry was not best pleased, apparently, and was overheard yelling at the player about how he can’t wait to sell him in January. Or something.

And why not?

Bentley’s been on borrowed time for a while at Spurs, and it seems like this was the last straw. He’ll be off.

The next Robinho?

Chelsea and Man City will both be spending big in the January window - Chelsea to cover themselves in advance of the forthcoming transfer ban, Man City because they have gazillions of pounds burning holes in their beautiful flowing robes.

Player prices look set to hit astronomical proportions. Benfica’s Argentine winger, Angel Di Maria (translation: The Angel of Mary), was momentarily tightening Chelsea trousers, until it became clear that they would need to morph their £15 million valuation into something more like £35 million. Cue Man City.

Whilst another wide man looking bound for the North West is lifelong Spurs fan, David Bentley. And why not? Lennon’s flying, he’s worked with Mark Hughes before, and the whisper in all the glitziest football salons is that Martin Pretrov is going to be thrown in as a sweetener. Bentley will no doubt be pleased to see the back of a diminutive speedster on the right… until he’s introduced to Ian Wright’s little boy.