Tomorrow’s headlines today…

For those who care about Big Brother, Mikey the blind man who likes smearing food on his face is now the one to beat. And for those for whom that last sentence made absolutely no sense, here’s some football news from the future…

Capello tells England striker to stop being so fat
while Dean Ashton might look lean and mean by English standards, were he to travel to sunny Italy, he’d be considered a blob. “I spoke with him (Ashton) in Trinidad and I told him he had to lose weight and be better physically because technically he is good but he is not quick,” honked Fabio Capello. But to ensure that he didn’t completely crush the ugly, balding and overweight striker’s confidence, he added:  “We followed Dean in a lot of games last season and he was very good.”

Man United rejected by Silva
Sir Alex Ferguson’s hunt for potent attackers to link up with his squad, already brimming with potent attackers, led him to Spain’s David Silva. The Spaniard took one look at the prospect of a gorgeous Manchester winter and insited that it’s Spain or nothing for him. Fair enough really.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Is this the best pass ever, or the worst pass ever?

Donington signs 10-year-deal to host British Grand Prix from 2010
[Grid Crasher]

The faceless Wimbledon fans
[WithLeather]

The top six exports to Turkey
[Pies]

Video: Every goal scored at Euro 2008
[101 Great Goals]

David Silva isn’t going anywhere
[Caught Offside]

Are you a MySpace Toolbox?
[Uncoached]

Lads on tour! Woop woop!

Remember Euro 2008? It was brilliant - England weren’t there, Holland were great, Russia were tremendous, but it was Spain who won the thing. They were the best. Really good. So good that they’re still celebrating, even though the full time whistle went exactly a million hours ago.

Today’s alliterated movers and shakers in the world of soccerball

The papers believe Frank Lampard is one step closer to the European fashion capital because Jose Mourinho has taken five days off his holiday to broker the deal. Yes, that’s a full five days he’s missing from his year-long vacation, so you know he means business.

Cristiano Ronaldo latest
Sir Alex Ferguson’s threat to let Ronaldo rot in the reserves is threatened by a FIFA ruling allowing players to rip up their contracts if they don’t play in 10% of matches. We doubt Fergie will be too scared: he could just play him in the Community Shield, League Cup, a nothing Champions League group game and against Hull and Stoke.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Another stupid FIFA rule that will have little effect on the deal

Italian football to accept Adebayor defeat
AC Milan no longer believe they have a divine right to any Premier League player they want and will give up pursuit of Adebayor after Arsenal rejected an offer. Real Madrid may wish to take note. Dick Advocaat’s announcement that Andrei Arshavin will move to Spain or England won’t do much good for Italy’s ego either.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Kudos to Milan if true

Aaron Lennon to Newcastle
So let’s get this straight. After a massive losing streak, King Kev stumbled