It seems Argentinean hacks aren’t the only people Diego Maradona has recently entreated to “suck it“. Word reaches us from Spanish rag Sport that The Golden Boy’s preparations for Argentina’s crucial World Cup qualifier against Uruguay basically consisted of chatting up attractive blondes in hotel lobbies and farting.
According to Uruguayan vixen Natalia Rosas, who crossed paths with Diego while he was holed up at the Shreaton Hotel in Montevideo, the tubby gaffer seems to still be suffering the side effects of the steamed cabbage and prune diet forced upon him at fat camp:
“He invited me to have coffee with him and while we were talking we both wished each other good luck. Then we hugged and he kissed me. I was left with the taste of onion or garlic that he had just eaten. Then there was the gas. Diego got nervous and started moving around on his chair to try to justify himself
The Spoiler attempts to explain the Argentinian’s inconsistency
A strange thing tends to happen when Lionel Messi pulls on an Argentina shirt - generally speaking, he loses the dazzling talent that made him the centre piece in Barcelona’s triple-winning season. But why does this happen? As the Albicelestes prepare for a vital clash with Peru on Saturday, Spoiler correspondent Sam Williams gives five possible reasons for his inconsistent form on the international stage…
The manager
Comparisons with Maradona are inescapable, particularly when the manager forces the iconic number 10 shirt on Messi. Before the recent World Cup qualifiers against Brazil and Paraguay, Maradona said of his star player: “We’ve been heaping responsibility onto him. He’s fast, concentrated, totally committed. He knows the chance he has.” Argentina duly lost both games.
Messi is consistently outstanding for Barcelona because he plays in a liberated, care-free manner. He knows how good he is, and if Maradona lets him get on with it, he could help dig Argentina out of the World Cup Qualification hole they find themselves in.
The formation
In the aforementioned defeat to Paraguay in Asuncion, Messi was deployed up-front in a 4-4-2 formation. For all his attacking qualities, five-foot-seven Messi isn’t an out-and-out striker and he couldn’t impose himself against the big, physical Paraguayan centre-backs. Alongside a target-man
Argentinean legend turns out for an English club for one day
As a favour to his friend and international colleague, Diego Maradona agreed to play in Ossie Ardiles’ 1986 testimonial, which saw Tottenham beat Inter Milan 2-1.
The game - for which Maradona arrived late after being personally driven from his hotel by Ardiles - took place just a few weeks before the 1986 World Cup. Somehow, we don’t think the Argentinean coach would have received such a warm reception at an English ground in the weeks that followed.
It’s not been a good September for Diego Maradona. Having starting the month with humbling defeats to Brazil and Paraguay in Argentina’s beleaguered World Cup 2010 qualifying campaign, he’s since been told by Viagra-hawking legend Pele he wasn’t actually that good at football after all and endured ridicule for being packed off to a fat farm in Italy.
The latest ignominy was suffered after Italian fraud squad police followed him to said fat farm last week and raided it, in an attempt to try and recover some of the £28m Diego owes in back taxes from his time at Napoli between 1984 and 1991.
A hacker operating under the name ‘KKR’ gave the Argentinean football authorities another headache last Friday, as he exposed security lapses in the official AFA website.
Visitors to the site who may have been seeking information information on the hapless South American side were instead treated to a picture of Diego Maradona in a Brazil shirt, with the caption “A picture is worth a thousand words.”
It’s not a Photoshopped image you see, but a still from an advert for a South American soft drink, in which the former recreational drug fan made the extremely regrettable decision to wear the colours of his fierce national rivals. Check out the advert at the bottom of this post.
Even though the security breach occurred last Friday (for the third time, incidentally), the AFA website is still down.
The Albicelestes’ poor form under Diego Maradona continues
Paraguay 1/ Argentina 0
While World Cup Qualification strugglers Portugal were given a boost with a 1-0 victory in Hungary last night, Argentina saw no such change in their fortunes. Following defeat in Paraguay, Diego Maradona’s side now find themselves in the fifth-place play-off spot in the South American qualification system that is pretty much designed to give them an easy ride.
Argentina have lost four of their last five qualification games, and slip-ups in the two remaining matches against Peru and Uruguay could mean they miss their first World Cup finals since 1970. Maradona, it seems, is dealing with the pressure with his own unique brand of panicked defiance:
“As long as I have a drop of blood left, I will fight to get Argentina qualified.
“We’re not out of the World Cup.
“I’m not afraid of criticism. I’m not afraid of anybody. I’m going to continue no matter who criticises me.”
Highlights of the best international game this weekend
The Spoiler’s decision to stay up until 3.30am on Sunday morning to watch Argentina’s highly anticipated clash with Brazil was a good one. Thanks to some unrelenting attacking football and a blatant disregard for defending on the part of both teams, the crucial World Cup qualifier turned out to be one of the best games we’ve seen in ages. Our highlight was Jesus Datolo’s superb long range effort (above), which ultimately failed to get Argentina back into a match where they were always second best.
Even though the South American World Cup qualification system is designed to virtually ensure Brazil and Argentina cruise through, the Albicelestes could slip out of the automatic qualification spots if they stuff it up against Paraguay on Wednesday. The Argentinean press has yet to turn on Diego Maradona (they were rather more concerned with why Leo Messi doesn’t play for his country like he plays for his club) but the hallowed coach could be knocked from his pedestal very shortly.
Check out extended highlights from Rosario after the jump…
The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies
Diego Maradona to Portsmouth
Not-a-real-doctor Sulaiman al-Fahim made his love of the Argentinean gaffer clear back in March, and the Daily Star believe the new Pompey owner will try to persuade him to quit his job to become ‘Global Ambassador’ of the club.
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Incredibly, Maradona’s lawyer Angel Oscar Moyano has spoken out in support of the move:
“He has got top players ready and he is even ready to leave the Argentine national team.
“He wants to build a strong team for which he offers his mediation for signing players of top level, who with the support of Diego will be willing to come to Portsmouth.”
John Terry to Manchester City
The Citizens’ pursuit of the England captain is getting ri-god-damn-diculous now. The Daily Mail are now saying the club are prepared to pay him £1m a month (!) and will offer £50m, or “whatever it takes ” to get their man.
The Spoiler truth-o-meter: You have to admire their persistence,
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