“Respect the iPod of Evra”

Now that Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t around to pollute his colleague’s ears with his dire taste in music, Patrice Evra has assumed the role of official Manchester Utd DJ.

The Frenchman spends hours preparing pre-match playlists on his iPod, and his choice of tunes will ring out through Turf Moor’s dilapidated away dressing room tonight. Says Evra:

“I enjoy the role very much. Before the match I sit down in my room and work out a playlist.

“I have to change it every time. You don’t know these guys - they’re like dogs!

“They’re hungry for new songs and get angry if it’s the same stuff as the last game.

“So I mix it up and make sure everybody’s happy. I put some English music, some Brazilian, some R ‘n B, some dance. Now it’s part of the ritual before games.

“Sometimes other people try to put their own music on - I don’t want to name names - but my team-mates say ‘Come on, respect the iPod of Evra’.”

We’d love to know which players have dared to cross Evra by playing their own music. Has Rooney tried to blast some Stereophonics? Maybe Federico Macheda requested some sexy disco music? Perhaps Dimitar Berbatov has tried to sneak on some Bulgarian power ballads?

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Man Utd star will sell you stuff with his smooth moves

In his latest contribution to the bulging ‘footballers who sell out’ canon, Carlos Tevez helps Argentinean electronics retailer Frávega come up with ways to celebrate their 99th birthday. In his mind, there is only one way to pay tribute to the established firm, and it involves spinning some spangly decks, dancing with some children and driving an sports car inside a nightclub.

Oh Carlitos. Never change.

Spoiler bonus: See Tevez’s previous attempt to dance in an advert and his recent booty shaking antics on the pitch here.

[ONTD]

From the exact same people who brought you Being Coleen’s friend, part one: The secret agony

Once again, close your eyes, friend. Picture yourself as one of Coleen McLoughlin’s closest, and probably coolest, acquaintances.

You get to see all the outfits she wastes, all the strong alcoholic cocktails she orders with absolutely no intention of drinking. And worst of all, when you’re finally booked in to play that DJ set you always dreamed of at the H Bar in Liverpool, in she steams to take over, as you look on, forlornly. A broken man. There’s nothing you can do though. She’s Coleen McLoughlin, for God’s sake. You’re just some guy who wanted to play a few records.

Step aside, Coleen coming through! Step aside!