Also appearing on a computer near you…

South Africa’s Bernard Parker enjoys the best miss of his career at the Confederations Cup
[Off The Post]

Internazionale are confident of landing Deco and Ricardo Carvalho
[The Independent]

Cheryl Cole looking good on holiday
[News of the World]

Michael Owen over-estimates himself in a glossy brochure designed for prospective employers
[Pies]

Zlatan Ibrahimovic: yours for a mere €90m
[Sport.co.uk]

Holiday buddies: Djibril Cissé and Samir Nasri in Miami
[Kickette]

Cristiano Ronaldo takes a weight off of Zinedine Zidane’s shoulders
[Goal.com]

Wolves preapre for the Premier League by signing Serbian defensive midfielder Nenad Milijas
[ITV]

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Michael Owen to Everton
Back in April, The Daily Express claimed the Toffees were after the charismatic Newcastle striker, and the rumour has resurfaced today in The Mirror. Apparently, Owen has entered negotiations and has been offered £50k-a-week to sign up on a free transfer. £50k? He wouldn’t get off the injury table for any less than £100k at St James’ Park!

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Seems like a good option, if only for the fact that he can be nearer his horsies and will save a fortune of helicopter fuel.

Alexandre Pato and Glen Johnson to Chelsea
As if taking their manager wasn’t bad enough, The Sun believe Chelsea have offered Milan £30m to steal away 19-year-old Brazilian wunderkind and webcam fan Pato. Apparently, the smokey Italian is also interested in reintroducing

The games that have made this season worth watching

Now that Manchester Utd have pretty much put the final nail in the coffin of the 2008/09 Premier League title race, it’s high time that we start peddling out some end of season lists. Accordingly, here is a top ten of the campaign’s most entertaining matches, which somehow includes a game involving West Brom…

#10: West Brom 3 - 2 West Ham, 13th September

Gianfranco Zola must have been wondering what he’d signed himself up for, watching his first West Ham game from the stands before taking over as manager. A game with a neutral-baiting mix of awful defending and open attacking play, both teams managed to lose their lead twice before an 83rd minute West Brom counter attack saw Chris Brunt sprint free of the Hammers’ defence and clinically place one inside the far post.

#9: Fulham 0 - 0 Sunderland, 18th October

Sunderland’s early visit to Craven Cottage should go down as the best goalless game of the season. Fulham’s goalmouth literally took a battering. Kieron Richardson, taking time off from his usual job of lying on a physio’s table somewhere, had his 25-yard free-kick bounce between the posts twice (before having another free-kick goal disallowed) and Djibril Cisse’s rasping long ranger was saved by the crossbar. However, the Cottagers created their own opportunities in the back-and-forth battle, with Zoltan Gera having a shot cleared off the line from Pascal Chimbonda before spurning his team’s best chance with a Carragher-esque air kick.

#8: Fulham 2 - 0 Manchester Utd, 21st March

It’s testament to how crap United were

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Pavel Pogrebnyak to Arsenal
Approximately 100 per cent of Arsenal fans are completely fed up with Emmanuel Adebayor, who is said to be departing this summer, possibly to his beloved AC Milan. The Mirror say Professor Wenger is looking for a replacement, and will bag Zenit St. Petersburg’s unpronounceable Blackburn-hating striker Pavel Pogrebnyak if Roque Santa Cruz is lured elsewhere.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: The Gunners already have a relationship with Zenit, so we may get to enjoy another transfer saga and drawn-out and painful as the Arshavin one during the summer.

Djibril Cisse to Tottenham
The Daily Mail are claiming that the fashion conscious forward has told Sunderland team-mates he will call White Hart Lane home next season.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Apparently, Marseille have already

Transfer rumours and quotes that are doing the rounds today

Photo Credit: Ian Nicholson/PA Wire

Spurs start planning for the summer
The Spoiler thinks Tottenham would be wise to make only minimal changes to their squad during pre-season. The chaos of last summer’s revolving door policy led to Spurs making their worst ever start to a season and recent results - they have lost just one league game since the January transfer window closed - suggest that the current squad doesn’t need to be drastically altered. Harry Redknapp may view things differently though and this afternoon alone the club have been linked with Brazilian defender Joao Miranda de Souza, Gabriel Heinze and Djibril Cisse.

Optimist of the day
Tony Mowbray’s glass appears to be not so much half-full as overflowing. The West Brom manager is refusing to throw in the towel

Sunderland striker gives us more reasons to dislike him

A surprise managerial appointment wasn’t the only controversial thing to happen in Newcastle last night, no thanks to Sunderland forward Djibril Cisse.

The heavily-tattooed star, on loan from Marseille, frequented Newcastle’s Diamonds club, an establishment which specialises in both topless and fully nude lap dancing. (Its official website says the “plush” club is “exquisitely furbished like a polished jewel” - so you know its classy.)

Cisse is alleged to have left the club at around 3am, at which point he entered into a heated row with a woman and “grabbed her by the throat”. It’s currently unknown whether the assaulted woman was a stripper, or simply a virtuous lady who opted to accompany a married footballer to a strip club at 3am on a Wednesday morning. The Mirror says:

Police quizzed the striker at a station near to the Diamonds club

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Win a date with WAG Nicola McLean (NSFW)
[Zoo]

Everton are after Djibril Cisse
[FansFC]

Interesting things
[Interestment]

Mourinho wants Tevez
[The Telegraph]

Brits ‘09: Abigail Clancy v Cheryl Cole
[Kickette]

Arshavin doesn’t trust English hairdressers
[Dirty Tackle]

Cristiano Ronaldo handed a bill for the tunnel he destroyed in his Ferrari
[Off The Post]

Gary Neville is the latest old man to get a contract extension at Old Trafford
[Sky Sports]

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Barcelona’s Dani Alves puts in an ankle-breaking challenge
[Dirty Tackle]

Pompey insist Tony Adams is going nowhere
[Goal.com]

David Beckham still wants to piss off America and stay in Milan
[FourFourTwo]

Robbie Keane wants to re-pay Tottenham’s great fans
[Daily Mail]

More on Real Madrid’s tolerance of fascism
[WSC]

Zenit confirm the Arshavin switch (yawn)
[4TheGame]

Djibril Cisse has got some style
[MRWF]