Hello, we’re banging the drum of doom…

God, how depressing was Saturday? Never before has a 5-1 victory felt so damn flat. It was rubbish. And while absolutely no one in Europe accurately knows where Belarus is, it could turn out to be the worst place ever, according to our pals over at Chickendinner. It’s going to be a gloomy night for English football. Here’s why:

1. In their last competitive home game last November, Belarus triumphed 2-1 over a Holland side that had lost just one of their previous 24 tournament qualifying matches.

2. They have lost just two of their last twelve matches and have recorded impressive friendly results, including home draws against Turkey and Argentina, not to mention coming from behind to draw 2-2 away to Euro 2008 runners-up Germany.

Ramos must leave, and fast…

Some might argue that Juande Ramos is brave and loyal for standing his ground and refusing to leave Spurs. Others may allude to a Christmas spent on the streets, dejectedly wearing a Santa outfit (1:40 into this clip) like Dan Ackroyd in Trading Places. The Spoiler, however, chooses to ignore both of those loud clamouring voices and simply sticks to the facts. We’ve already prophesised a doom-laden end to 2008, and it doesn’t look like improving. As a gentle reminder, here’s why the rest of the matches from now until Santa’s next installment will be seriously disappointing for Spurs fans.

It’s at this point that we’d love to say something about dreaming of a white Christmas. But won’t. Because it would be too mean.

Stoke/Spurs, 19 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Last season Spurs lost the league matches that followed both the September and October international breaks. They’ve already lost the game that followed the September break this season.

Spurs/Bolton, 25 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Tottenham have only won two of their last eleven league games against Bolton.

Arsenal/Spurs, 29 October 2008

Prophecy of doom: Spurs are yet to come away from the Emirates with a victory.

Spurs/Liverpool, 1 November 2008

Prophecy of doom: They haven’t beaten Liverpool at home since 2004.