Moronic Chelsea star lives it up while the missus is out of town

As a kind spirit who no longer beats up toilet attendants, Cheryl Cole is currently doing her bit for charity by climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief.

Her lovable husband Ashley Cole was also at a charity event last night, but decided to spice up the evening with a trip to a South Kensington nightclub and a drunk and disorderly arrest:

The Daily Mail online claims that Cole was arrested after repeatedly swearing at police outside the Collection nightclub in Brompton Road, South Kensington.Cole had attended a charity event at Chelsea Football Club before heading to Collection, which he left at 2.15am.

After reportedly refusing to tone down his language, Cole was arrested and taken into custody to sober up, before being released three hours later with a fixed penalty notice of £80 for being drunk and disorderly.

We bet Mr Cole is feeling very sorry for himself today after that wallet busting fine. To stop such financially devastating incidents from occuring in the future, perhaps Guus Hiddink needs to ban his players from getting their crunk on, like Harry Redknapp has.

Going out is much more fun when you get hammered

Twas the Tottenham Christmas party this week, and Giovani Dos Santos gave his greatest performance of the season. After enjoying the festivities at London’s Taman Gang Club, the Mexican decided not to use his injured limbs, insisting that some security men escort him away.

Clearly, he taking Ledley King’s advice on the correct way to enjoy a night out (relive the magic here , here and here).

[The Mirror via 101GG]

The Croatian beauty who’s had one too many WKD Blues

While things are in crisis at White Hart Lane, it’s good to see some of the WAGs are on their worst behaviour. Our besties at Kickette have alerted us to Vedran Corluka’s 21-year-old fiancée Iva Buzov, who has whipped up a storm in her home nation (Croatia) because a rather embarrassing video has surfaced:

In case you were wondering, the controversy isn’t because she has clearly raided a stripper’s wardrobe for her evening ensemble or that the camera operator is clearly obsessed with her chest area, but that she’s stinking drunk. When a car passes, she blurts out: “Oh my God, is that my Dad?” Let’s hope it isn’t, dear.

Midfielder does some serious multi-tasking

Seems that Lampsie has piled a few extra hours onto his day, as he gets a droopy-eyed lift home from London’s fashionable drinkery, Funky Buddha.

Over the course of just one evening, he’d had a fantastic game for Chelsea, knocked in a corker, endured a Scolari tongue lashing, and still managed to find time for an aftershave spritz, before pulling on his favourite Rolling Stones-t-shirt-and-sports-jacket combo, and (by the looks of things) heading out to get a little bit loaded.

That is one busy Tuesday night, friends.

Still, far healthier than the days when he’d save time by having breakfast and lunch on the same plate.

Cyclist celebrates achievements by endangering life

Bradley Wiggins was in high spirits after securing two gold medals at the Beijing velodrome (the french term for ‘bike shed’) and decided to have a little tipple at London House (a hastily-named venue set up by the Chinese to celebrate the 2012 Games). One thing lead to another, and his night ended with some victory rolls over the bonnet of a taxi:

[Wiggins] won two golds - in team and individual pursuits - and was perhaps also trying to cheer himself up after losing out on a third yesterday.Wiggins’ stunt, rolling over the taxi’s bonnet

Behold, an innovative exit

In these days of modern football celebrity, it’s important for sportsmen to exercise discretion when they’re out. Beckham, for example, would probably use a secret back door to leave a restaurant, while Lampsie would never even dream of going for a milkshake without disguising himself in shades/cap/prosthetic nose. And, judging by the weekend at Faces in Essex, Ledley King likes to keep his head down by careering headfirst from nightclubs with his trousers around his ankles and the smell of fresh vomit on his breath. It’s an interesting technique.

Match official decides to take the Paul Merson approach

The ref in this Belarusian game between FC Naftan and FC Vitebsk may be suffering from some sort of incapacitating back spasm, but the drunken wave at the end of the video suggests he’s actually been indulging in a little too much local grog.

[Unprofessional Foul]

Lenny Pidgeley is a classy guy

Millwall Keeper Lenny Pidgeley is so flush that he hires a team of aides to carry him out of nightclubs, thus reducing wear and tear on his lucrative muscles. Either that, or he was drunk off his arse and objected to being asked to leave Funky Buddha nightclub in the early hours of this morning.

Lenny may have been hanging out with his old Chelsea teammates, who were celebrating their Champions League victory at the venue. My guess is that Princess Frank took exception to his defiance of the leather jacket club, and asked him to leave.