Manchester Utd striker failed to cope with being blacklisted

Thanks to three Premier League titles, an FA Cup and a Champions League, Dwight Yorke undoubtedly enjoyed the best days of his career at Manchester Utd. The Trinidad and Tobago striker, however, has revealed that he also endured some of his darkest days at the club.

After a high profile relationship with vacuous publicity whore glamour model Jordan put him in the media spotlight for the wrong reasons, Yorke fell out with Ferguson, who attempted to ship him off to Middlesbrough.

The striker felt encouraged when Sir Alex announced his intention to retire, but when he subsequently retracted that intention, Yorke turned to the bottle. He claims he spent his final three months at Old Trafford getting tanked while watching his colleagues on the TV:

“I started to drink again. I wasn’t an alcoholic. But it helped to ease the loneliness. I was like a zombie.

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“The surgically enhanced serial bedmate-to-the-stars”

Alicia Douvall was inducted into the world of waggery in 2000, when she started going out with Dwight Yorke (”I didn’t even know who he was. I just wanted someone to look after me and my daughter”). The glamour model was devastated when he cheated on her with fierce rival Jordan, and has since enjoyed “relationships (read:”shameless kiss-and-tells”) with Calum Best, Dennis Rodman, Dean Gaffney, Lee Ryan, and Mick Hucknall.

A tribute to one of the Prem’s most notorious supporting ladies

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If this is your first encounter with Jordan, perhaps the internet isn’t for you. Katrina Amy Alexandria Alexis Infield (Katie Price to her friends, Jordan to her fans) started life in the spotlight on Page Three, and soon discovered the world of nightclubs, breast augmentations and unscrupulous footballers. After disposing of Gladiator Ace and chubby pop muppet Dane Bowers, Jordan moved onto glamour-girl-favourite Teddy Sheringham, before having a son with Dwight Yorke.

Eleven men, all hated by one man

United players fall into two distinct camps: the ones Sir Alex will personally visit over Christmas for a cuddle - Giggs, Irwin, Solksjaer, Neville, Scholsie - and those he’ll spy on from a nearby tree, whispering profanities under his breath - Dwight Yorke, Becks, and now Cristiano Ronaldo. Ferguson does not tolerate certain characters, and as things stand, the gelled-up winger looks likely to be playing himself into this team of rebels, all of whom still send angry chills up Ferguson’s aging spine.

GK Jim Leighton
Leighton was riding the crest of a wave in his early Man United days, with even Brian Clough saying “Jim Leighton is a rare bird - a Scottish goalkeeper that can be relied on.” But then Sir Alex axed him from the 1990 FA Cup final replay against Palace, sending the keeper into a downward spiral, involving anger, shame, Les Sealey, and, eventually, Dundee.

DL Gabriel Heinze
The future was so bright for Heinze (pronounced “hent-zay” apparently) - United fans loved him, his hair was only second in footballing terms to Ginola’s. But then it all went hideously wrong. His body revolted, Ferguson embarked on a love affair with Patrice Evra, and Gabriel could no longer be guaranteed the satin starting shirt he so yearned for. He threw an almighty strop, and finally Ferguson bundled him in the direction of Real Madrid - simultaneously ignoring the clamour from Liverpool.