It’s like humble pie, but more disgusting…

People of Sunderland, if you need The Spoiler’s help, it’s yours. We can provide tinned fruits, Marmite, or just a shoulder to cry on. What we can’t offer, sadly, is a new roof to replace the one that the recent earthquake tore from your house, with it shattering your dreams and crushing your soul. On the upside, at least that means that less than a week after Younes Kaboul’s agent Rudy Raba boldly stated that his player wouldn’t join Sunderland “even if there was an earthquake”, he has totally eaten his words, and is joining your local club after all. How hilarious - honestly, you just couldn’t make it up.

What do you mean there was no earthquake?

Are you saying that Kaboul lied on more than one level?

Disgusting.

Reasons why footballers shouldn’t speak #874

Don’t let your eyes deceive you, Younes Kaboul is not as intelligent as he looks. The lumbering defender should surely be flattered by any flirtatious glances he’s getting from northern football clubs, especially having spent last season chugging around White Hart Lane as if he was actually avoiding the ball.

Yet, when Sunderland came a-knocking, he doused their flames of interest by claiming he wouldn’t grace their club “even if there was an earthquake”.

Quite what that means is anyones guess, because, as everyone knows, should England be hit by an earthquake, we have all been instructed to go to Wigan.