Jermain Defoe boffs yet another glamour girl

Essex girl Chantelle Houghton came to the nation’s attention when she highlighted the farcical nature of Celebrity Big Brother, easily winning the competition despite having no fame whatsoever. She then married fellow contestant Samuel Preston (the hypocritical chap from that band who had a fantastic first album that contained lyrics heavily criticising those who “sell out”) and slowly worked her way towards an inexplicable massive fortune.

These days, Chantelle does her best Jordan impression, hanging around London nightclubs with fellow WAG wannabes Chanelle Hayes and not-a-racist Danielle Lloyd. The latter is currently very angry with her former BBF for going where so many sketchy virtuous girls have gone before - into the arms of prolific nightclub swordsman Jermain Defoe.

If you fancy buying some drugs on a night out, head to Essex!

The highest concentration of WAG and footballer activity can be found in the overpriced clubs of Soho. But for a more relaxed (cheaper) evening, many head towards the provinces, and in particular Faces Nightclub in Gants Hill.

Where: On the Cranbrook road in Gants Hill, a stone’s throw from the Tube station. If lost, one of the local drug dealers will happily point you in the right direction.

How much: Entry is a modest ten pounds, but you can