Need someone to lift a heavy weight or hold up a wall?

Not only did ex Crystal Palace and Sheffield Wednesday hitman Mark Bright have the honour of scoring the first ever goal at the new Wembley (in a charity match), but he also called Michelle Gayle his wife for ten years.

You may recognise her as Ian Beale’s PA in Eastenders, or if you are into mid nineties pop, you may remember one of her many fine compositions from the musical hit parade.

Large automobile to be exchanged for dignity

Last night, Austrian striker Ivica Vastic earned himself a lifetime’s supply of beer from a Vienna-based brewery, by slotting away an injury time penalty. In the spirit of rewarding overpaid athletes for fulfilling the criteria of their job description, Paddy Power have offered the first Spaniard to score against Sweden tomorrow night a Hummer. That’s not a ‘hummer’ in the sense that Cristiano Ronaldo and his lady-of-the-night associates may understand it, but rather one of those grotesque gas-guzzling military vehicles that they can’t shift for love nor money anymore.

There is, however, one condition for the giveaway. The Spanish scorer must also perform the ‘Chiki-Chiki’ dance - it’s a joke routine that started on Spanish television and ended up being their 2008 Eurovision entry:

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the internet…

Chickendinner tipped the winners

[chickendinner]

Get your zany electronic Eurovision guide

[Popbitch]

Weeping footballers

[Pies]

More Nereida pics after the jump…