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When bogged down with manly things like football talk and chainsmoking, The Spoiler likes to secretly kick back and unwind by seriously studying Eurovision betting markets - there is a lot of money to be made.

Our source in Serbia (this year’s host nation) reports back that Ireland missed out on getting to the finals last night, because they couldn’t figure out how to control their puppet turkey without the rest of Europe seeing some sweaty old puppeteer in the background. Our foreign pals were not amused.