Also appearing on a computer near you…

Will Tottenham finally land Sulley Muntari?
[Caught Offside]

Who will win the Carling Cup?
[Betfair Football]

Follow us on Twitter
[Twitter]

Rio Ferdinand is set to open his own restaurant
[Kickette]

The government might cut funding to the FA unless they stop being so rubbish
[BBC]

Romanian model Alexandra Enachescu is Cristian Pulhac’s WAG. Cristian Pulhac plays for Dinamo Bucharest, apparently
[DJ Mick]

Burnley suffer Martin Paterson injury blow
[The Mirror]

Spoiler promotion: Play Fantasy Football and win Champions League Final tickets!

Romanian still struggling to pay ridiculous £14.6m fine

Adrian Mutu was sacked by Chelsea in 2004 on account of his cocaine abuse, and was given a seven month ban and a £20,000 fine by the FA. When he signed for Juventus (via Livorno) as a free agent during this mandatory exile period, the Blues demanded £9.6m from the player to compensate for the initial transfer fee.

Mutu soon regretted hiring a lawyer he saw running down the street after an ambulance, as the fine was increased to £14.6m after two appeals to the very same Court of Arbitration for Sport who recently banned Chelsea from transfer activity.

Some might say that the transfer ban helped to restore karmic balance following Chelsea’s lack of compassion towards the Romanian, but the point remains that £14.6m is a penalty that only a handful of footballers could realistically afford to pay. In his latest bid to avoid the angry Russian debt collectors, Mutu has written an open letter to FIFA and his former employers. Sky Sport Italia printed the highlights, which Goal.com roughly translated:

“To Chelsea, the FIFA disciplinary committee and FIFA president Josep Blatter

“I write this letter

Simon Jordan moots new league proposals

Crystal Palace’s orange-faced goon chairman Simon Jordan has nothing to do with the Premier League or the Scottish Premier League, but the Daily Record have sought after his well-paid opinion on the matter of whether the Old Firm should be invited to join in with the fun in England:

“Football is evolving all the time and this would be great for the Scottish clubs but they should pay to come down.

“I’d suggest £100million and the immediate financial benefits that arise for both clubs would soon cover it. Their share price would go through the ceiling on the back of massive revenue increases.

“The SPL does not attract a worldwide audience - the Premier League does. It would

Italy manager does his bit for homophobia

In the week that the FA are desperately trying to recruit footballers to front an anti-homophobia campaign, Marcello Lippi has tackled the subject by claiming there are no gay footballers. And if any remain in the closet, the Italy manager thinks they should probably just keep their ugly sexuality under wraps:

“I don’t think there are any gay players, or at least in 40 years of my career I have never met any. It could well be that there are a few with these tendencies, but they don’t go around telling people about it. Considering the way football players are, it really would be a complicated condition to deal with in the locker room. If someone came to me and confessed they were gay, I would advise them to not let any of that affect them, just concentrate on their profession and feel free to do what they want in their private lives.”

The World Cup winning coach will be disappointed to learn that many footballers are doing exactly what they want in their private lives, if an anonymous whistle blower named ‘Victory’ is to be believed. He is believed to be an ex-footballer and current rent-boy, who

The Potters dedicate their entire website to their new winger

Looking at the homepage to Stoke’s official site you’d be forgiven for thinking they had signed Leo Messi rather than Matthew Etherington. The Potters have only just confirmed the capture of the West Ham winger for an undisclosed fee but they already have six separate stories dedicated to their “star” signing.

Unsurprisingly, Etherington’s departure isn’t the top story on West Ham’s website, with the rather more pressing concern of the thousandth inquiry into Carlos Tevez’ season in East London taking precedence.

The FA and Premier League have announced that they will investigate the most recent tribunal’s verdict that West Ham misled the Premier League to get permission to play Tevez in the final three matches of the season. It’s been almost four months since the tribunal findings became public knowledge so you have to question why it has taken them so long to come to this decision to investigate and whether it is fair to announce it in the middle of the transfer window, when it is bound to unsettle some of West Ham’s stars.

Could it be that the FA and Premier League are desperate to finally clarify the third-party ownership rules in case a certain Argentine striker becomes available in the summer? Tell us what you think with a comment below.

TaiKai dance could earn players £10,000 and disciplinary action

As a means of promoting the TaiKai betting craze, Betfair are offering any player who does a ridiculous goal celebration dance (ably demonstrated by Page 3 lovely Peta Todd) the princely sum of £10,000. If anyone fancies supplementing their income via the medium of expressive movement, however, they will face the wrath of the FA:

“We have spoken with The FA and expressed our concern at what we see as a wholly inappropriate PR stunt,” said a Premier League spokesman. “We would urge The FA to use their existing relationship with this gambling company to dissuade them from this action.

“We have written to our member clubs to inform them that their players leave themselves open to potential disciplinary action if they endorse this campaign through the enacting of this ‘celebration’.

The FA must be delighted that no one took the offer up at the weekend, although that could be attributed to the fact that none of the big four sides could be bothered to score, and just eight other sides rippled the net.

There can’t be too many players who are willing to debase themselves with this stunt, but if we had to pick the person most likely to do something embarrassing on the pitch to earn a few extra quid in the name of PR, it would probably be the striker who wore pink boots at the weekend…

[The Telegraph via The Offside]

Hmm, wonder who that might benefit?

Bolton chairman and FA board member Phil Gartside has revealed that he wants the Premier League’s format to be changed to a two-tier system featuring two divisions of eighteen teams and has suggested abolishing relegation to the Football League.

While it would all prove very handy for his team, who escaped relegation by one point last season and are one point above the drop zone in this campaign, it’s hard to understand his logic on how it would benefit football:

“We have already got to the situation where the three clubs that go down from the Premier League are usually the three that come up, although a couple of others might sneak in.

“I don’t

Sometimes a simple handshake isn’t enough…

The scene above isn’t an example of the FA’s Respect campaign, but rather a snapshot taken in Macedonia by avid Sporno fan Oliver.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery