Looks like Saturday’s man of the match is off to Spurs after all 

And this year, the prize for the most confusing Premier League player goes to Lassana Diara - well done, you can now join the hallowed ranks of Cantona, Robert - actually, just anyone French - and probably Le Saux (French surname).

The Spoiler has long since speculated that he’s simply a gap year student doing a spot of traveling, while others insist that he might actually be the biggest oversight in Arsene Wenger’s splendid managerial career, and Chelsea were equally stupid to let him go after just thirteen appearances - often using him as a right back. This summer, Abramovich, just buy one.

The plot further thickened at the weekend, when Tony Adams - now switched from booze to joss sticks - freaked everyone out by saying: “Portsmouth needs to come up to his standards, can the club do that?”

The best sports on the telebox this weekend

With the FA Cup, the Miami Open finals, the Bahrain Grand Prix ATP Masters finals, Arsenal/ Liverpool and the Grand National all happening this weekend, you’re barely going to have time to enjoy the crappy weather this weekend. So schedule an appointment with your couch, but not before using the intertubes to find the best odds available on all this weekend’s sporting action.

FRIDAY

Tennis
Miami ATP Masters (Sky Sports Xtra, 6pm)

Bundesliga
MSV Duisburg/ Energie Cottbus (Setanta Sports 1, 7.30pm)

SATURDAY

Bahrain Grand Prix
Qualifying (ITV1, 12pm)

The lower league sides show us what they’re made of

Barnsley 1/ Chelsea 0 - the one where Chelsea tried really hard but were outclassed anyway

Manchester United 0/ Portsmouth 1 - the one where Ronaldo was bodychecked and Rio got ‘merced’

Middlesbrough 0/ Cardiff 2 - the one where Boro were awful. Again.

[I would show highlights of the Bristol Rovers/ West Brom game, but there’s only so much copyright law I’m willing to ‘challenge’]

As you all know by now, it was one of the most exciting FA Cup Sixth Rounds in memory, and we now face the prospect of three lower league teams going to Wembley (why have they started holding the semis at Wembley again? It does nothing but detract from the final itself).

Betting folk

With 24 hours to go until their fifth round tie, and decades and decades of football experience, Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger have the kind of keen insightful knowledge that only the good Lord can provide. Their earth shattering prediction for the weekend’s corker: Adebayor and Ronaldo will be dangerous.

Such educated insights come direct from the same stable of football sound-bites that

There’s chuff all on the telebox tonight

The FA Cup may have given us plenty of excitement over the weekend, yet it has robbed us of our Monday night game. Here’s what remains of tonight’s sporting roster, but it

Did you do what we told you to at the weekend?

There were plenty of upsets at the bookies this weekend, and if you paid attention to The Dinner’s statistics, you could have been strolling up to the Lamborghini dealership this morning to help David Beckham kill the planet.

Firstly, we found a bizarre way of predicting the score at the Britannia Stadium:

>> chickendinner Da Vinci Code moment: Fancy a 0-0 draw? Stoke City’s last

The best sports programming this weekend

It’s that unmistakable time of year when Christmas decorations come down and minnow clubs up and down the land build up a huge sense of false expectation. This morning’s Sun backs Southern League Division One side Chasetown with a back page and double-page spread, but will support from the country’s most-loved red top be enough to overcome Cardiff? See how they fare in Saturday’s Match of the Day, and catch