As excellent evening programmes like Location, Location, Location prove beyond any reasonable doubt, moving house is an almighty bummer, and if you didn’t have people working for you - preferably a smug man in a suit, and a horsey woman who you probably ‘would’ - it would be even worse. So much red tape. And what the hell is stamp duty anyway?

Which leads usefully to Jermaine Jenas, he who has been so richly gifted with football skills, and yet is currently in the throws of a massive house move

…And loads of other bizarre pointless stuff in new Pepsi advert

Usually, Pepsi adverts are great spectacles - previously, we’ve enjoyed Beckham in a Wild West shootout, and Roberto Carlos and co losing a game to a bunch of overweight Germans. The latest clip from the cola pushers, however, seems like a big ol’ mishmash of crap designed to get as many high profile names into a minute slot: Thierry Henry runs through the jungle in a dinner suit, Beckham as Indiana Jones mysteriously transforms into Cesc Fabregas, and Princess Frank gets all dolled up in a fetching little kimono. It really accentuates his hips, and black is a very flattering colour for the precious midfielder,

Damn it, the French are supposed to be stylish - they even invented the word suave (which has absolutely no English translation). And yet, look at Flamini. Disgusting.

Attending an awards show FOR CHILDREN, the shrugging Arsenal midfielder thought it appropriate to turn up looking like a man who had got dressed by running naked through a jumble sale covered in glue.

Next to him are Fabregas and Rosicky sporting mature adult suits and shoes, looking EXCELLENT, while Mathieu trundled up in trainers and a a genuine tramps belt.

The Big Spoiler Fashion Eye has literally just thrown up.