Man does Portuguese star’s reputation no damage whatsoever

Slow down ladies, the man pictured above isn’t Portuguese man-o’-sex Cristiano Ronaldo, but 21-year-old professional impersonator Jaime Wright. He commands a fee of up to £800 per day working for Fake Faces (an agency which also offers the worst John Terry look-alikes known to man), and has been using his powers for evil of late.

The People have published an interview where Wright claims to have tricked his way into the private boudoirs of up to five beautiful women:

“I was in a club in Manchester and these three girls just came up and said ‘You are Ronaldo’. I didn’t say that I was and I didn’t say that I wasn’t. We went back to a hotel and had a great night.

“Some of the girls haven’t realised I am not the real deal until the next morning.

“I just say to them, ‘I’ve got something to tell you’. Luckily they always find it funny.”

Jaime Wright should be applauded not only for being able to pull off this kind of sexy trick, but also for finding five women in the UK who the real Ronaldo hasn’t already slept with. Seriously, that must’ve taken some extensive research.

[The Offside]

Then hire one of his many outstanding professional impersonators

I don’t know about you, but whenever I hold a social function they are always notable by the absence of shoddy celebrity lookalikes. I’m holding a small gathering next weekend, and I really need someone to spit at me, piss in a cup, park in a disabled bay and then shout drunken profanities at the rest of the guests until they collapse in tears, their spirits completely broken. The real John Terry has a prior engagement some football game or other, but fortunately fakefaces.co.uk have come through with three different JT lookalikes. I swear that I couldn’t pick the real Chelsea star out of a lineup with these masters of deception.