It’s zillionth choice striker Xisco!

The Spaniard pictured with some of his close male friends

As the player whose arrival at St James’ Park signalled Sir Kevin of Keegan’s impromptu exit, it’s little surprise that Xisco never became a fan favourite.

Dennis Wise’s greatest foray into the transfer market was shipped out on loan to Racing Santander last week, but it has been revealed that this move was born from controversial circumstances.

In his last days at Newcastle, the Spaniard complained of a groin injury and missed training for nine days. Subsequently, he insisted that he would need a further two weeks to recuperate. Just three days after saying this, however, Xisco successfully completed his first training session with Racing. Ruling out the possibility of a miraculous recovery, the player has had the gall/stupidity to admit that he forced his exit by faking the injury.

Keeper’s phoney antics put Rivaldo and Dida to shame

With a heartfelt performance and perfect technique, this rogue goalkeeper is destined to sweep the board at the Cheaties* (a prestigious annual award ceremony that honours dishonourable conduct in sport). Anybody know who he is?

[The Offside]

*Award ceremony may or may not exist