Shouty people in crowd make man sad…

We’re used to seeing Chelsea, Spurs and Newcastle fans sharpening their knives, taking their tops off and turning on their managers at the drop of a hat, but West Ham fans always seemed a bit more tolerant.

Their conga when 3-0 down at Manchester City showed a decent sense of humour and lack of ego, but last night you’d be forgiven for thinking they were cheering on Macclesfield, such was the venom they directed at their own players and manager.

Frankie Lampard, oi oi oi!

Away from the pitch, footballers can struggle without the adulation of their fans. After all, what’s the point in making a great meal, or buying some gorgeous clothes, if there’s no one around to start yelling that you’re brilliant?

Not a problem for Frank Lampard - the brainy midfielder has filled the void by taking a bonkers fan with him wherever he goes. Above, the hysterical supporter gets excited by some of Lampsie’s brilliant conversational skills.

The Special one is off to a bad start in Italy

This week, the annual Trofeo TIM pitted the top three clubs in Italy against one another, and Jose Mourinho was given his first run out in front of the Italian big boys. Unfortunately, Inter lost to eventual trophy winners Milan 4-3 on penalties after a deadlocked ninety minutes (that’s ninety special Italian 30-second minutes. See comment below, Ed.), and they put in a disappointing performance in a 1-0 loss to Juventus.

Jose’s excuse for the sub par performance was the Nerazzurri’s over-crowded treatment table - in Tuesday’s loss to Juve Marco Materazzi joined Cristian Chivu, Ivan Cordoba and Walter Samuel on the sidelines - and he has brushed off the friendly tournament as a trifling matter:

“Fortunately, we could afford to lose the two friendly games we played. The important games will start in one month and we

Well, 40 per cent of them do…

Most people would struggle to see how a team could possibly be better off without a young striker who is capable of putting away 20+ goals a season, but according to a poll run by The Spoiler yesterday, over 40 per cent of Tottenham fans believe the future is brighter without the tiny Irishman.

The White hart Lane faithful posted their views on the subject, and many feel it is a blessing in disguise that Keane is now forming daisy chains with Fernando Torres et al.

Some said they didn’t like his style of play (he is a ball hogger, not an out-and-out striker) while others condemned his lack of commitment to the club (”I love it here and I would like to finish my career here,” he said just a few weeks ago).

The most surprising logic that supported Keane’s

Standing at the Emirates is a major safety concern

In a bid to quell the raucous, euphoric atmosphere at The Emirates, Arsenal have sent an email to their members to remind them what their seats are for:

Ahead of the new season, we just wanted to take this opportunity to explain our policy concerning standing in the seated areas at Emirates Stadium.

We do understand that many of you want to show your support and urge the team on - and we have no objection to people standing in order to see a particular move or at crucial points in the game. However, in one or two sections of the stadium, it is becoming increasingly apparent that supporters have been standing throughout some of the matches.

[…] If just one person falls over when there are many standing, this can cause a ‘domino effect’ to occur, and many people could suffer injury as a result.

The health & safety police make an excellent point about the dangers of prolonged standing. Just last week, I was waiting at a bus stop when the ‘domino effect’ sent scores of us helplessly into the road. The horror.

It’s fair enough that fans shouldn’t stand for the whole match in the family block or in front of the disabled zone, but asking those behind the goal to sit down when they pay through the nose for the privilege to occasionally sing when they get a corner of showing their passion seems a little ridiculous.

French fans desperate to bring their Drog back home

Last week, we told you how Marseille fans were clubbing together their pennies in an attempt to bring Didier Drogba back to the club. By Friday, they had managed to raise a paltry €5,000 (£4,000), but this website has really helped Les Marseillais dig deep over the weekend. At the time of writing, just under 20,000 fans from the south coast have raised €1,385,956 (£1,100,000), an average donation of around £50 per person, on the site whose slogan reads ‘All together, we can do it’.

This is a very impressive sum, but there are two problems: firstly, Drogba’s transfer fee is said to be around £24,000,000. Even if every one of Marseille’s regular 60,000 crowd gave £50, they would fall around £5,000,000 short.

Secondly, the Ivory Coast striker is eyeing up a move to one of the Italian big boys, and a move back to Marseille would be a rather large step backwards.

Attraction to all things orange leads supporters into trouble

Up until Holland’s impromptu exit from Euro 2008 at the weekend, Switzerland’s National Railway had told its workers to stop wearing orange reflective jackets. According to Reuters, Dutch fans, presumably high and transfixed on their army of good looking supporters (see above), are inexplicably attracted to anyone or anything sporting their national colour:

Switzerland’s national railway has told its workers to stop using their normal orange reflective vests after confused Dutch soccer fans started following them on to the tracks.

A railway spokesman said the changed strip had been prompted by an incident in the Swiss capital Berne when a group of Netherlands supporters followed a worker on to the lines after mistaking his uniform for their traditional orange dress.

As a solution to this problem, the railway folk have been donning vests lent to them by the Police instead. The colour? Bright yellow. Let’s hope there’s no more Swedes knocking about in the neutral country…

[Reuters via WithLeather]

Like the neighbour who loves to relax by a burning a mattress in his garden, or the creepy uncle who’s always in need of “just a few quid”, every football club’s fans know a player who is never, ever welcome. These are the players who are so disliked they even have special unfriendly chants composed in their honour.

Arsenal: Ashley Cole
The brainless left-back was spotted having dinner with Chelsea executives just days before Arsenal had a crucial clash with Manchester United. Bad case of greediness.

Aston Villa: Robbie Savage
Villa and Birmingham don’t agree on much, but one thing brings them together - a deep and pure loathing of Robbie Savage.

Birmingham City: Robbie Savage
Decided he needed to leave Birmingham to move closer to his ailing parents in Wrexham. His new club…Blackburn!

Blackburn Rovers: Kevin Davies
He did absolutely nothing at Ewood Park, scoring one league goal, before going down the road to rivals Bolton and enjoying a fairly successful career.

Bolton Wanderers: Robbie Savage
No particular reason. He’s just a wanker.

Inevitable comedy garment goes on sale

Apparently, Liverpool fans are a tad unhappy with their American owners at the moment (I know, I had no idea either!) and now they have the opportunity to show their distaste via the medium of the t-shirt slogan. Pick up your slice of the famous Kop humour on eBay, and then spend the rest of the afternoon thinking of a ‘Hicks’ pun. I had a go, but my ideas would probably have me driven out of most southern US states with a pitchfork.

[Good find, Who Ate All The Pies]