It’s only a matter of time before the clown puking a rainbow into a toilet jumper reaches our shores

Morons can order the charming pullover here for just €24.95.

[Source: Bild]

All the kids will soon be wearing reading glasses over their shades

When Cyclops from the X-Men films reaches old age, we imagine he will look something like this.

Alleged singer and MLS favourite get their fancy pants on

[Kickette]

He looked great in saggy pants, now he’s rockin’ casual shoes

Lionel Messi is used to wearing footwear adorned with three stripes on the pitch, but the Barcelona superstar likes to sport a casual two-stripe look in his free time.

Keen to show the virtues of badly-named shoe manufacturers ‘Lady Stork’, the  Argentinean is the star of a new campaign that showcases his modelling versatility: he has mastered ‘tying laces’, the tricky ’sitting in a relaxed pose as if waiting for a lady partner’ and so much more…

Mum-of-three scrubs up well for arty undies advert

David Beckham and his robotic wife have signed a £32m deal to become the international ambassadors of Emporio Armani underwear, which means we will be seeing lots more crotch stuffing and awkward posing.

Victoria Beckham unveiled her latest fierce black and white shoot at Macy’s in New York yesterday, where the first 150 folks to spend $85 on underwear were allowed to have their photo taken with the extremely talented singer.

Apparently, Mr B is so impressed with his wife’s latest shoot hat he has had the picture framed and put by his bedside. Won’t that be a bit of a mood killer for the ladies, Dave?

Check out more Posh Armani snaps after the jump…

Angry Dragões relieve frustration with some petty theft

Those who want to dress like Cristiano Ronaldo - ie everybody - can achieve his fierce look with a visit to one of his CR7 boutiques. The Madeira branch of his fashion chain, however, received some unwelcome visitors this week.

Angry at the manner in which they were knocked out of the Champions League, Porto sent three of their campest metrosexual fans to the store to cause unrest. The gentlemen filled three knapsacks with various items of overpriced crap hats, belts and shirts, before saying some very mean things about the tricky winger to his sister Elma, who runs the store.

Fortunately, police arrested the chic offenders later in the day, and also foiled a second robbery plot involving up to ten men.

[Expresso via Dirty Tackle]

…if you wish to confuse everyone

Do you have a penchant for 100 per cent cashmere scarves? Do you have a spare $150? If you answered yes to these questions, and you have a strong desire to antagonise white van drivers and Daily Mail readers, then Wong Wong are here to help.

New York based designer Stephen Wong’s luxury scarf range combine the traditional colours of several European clubs with “traditional football terminology”.

For example, Wong says his ‘Penetration’ scarf is derived from Arsenal’s attacking style. “People say it as a natural [European] football term, but when you take it to a different context, it’s funny,” he reasons.

Apparently, Celtic are known for their “kick long-and-chase” (!) approach, earning them the ‘Hump and Run’ slogan.

Apparently, this means “to pass and run into space for the return pass without pausing.” That’ll be a “one-two”, then.

Check out more utterly bizarre (yet strangely endearing) American commentator speak in the rest of the collection after the jump…

Man trades dignity for luxury apartment within boutique

Andrea Vasa is a defender with Brera, a side who ply their trade in the Promozione, the seventh tier in Italian football. This puts him approximately six divisions below a player who would be able to afford a luxurious three-storey apartment in the heart of the fashion capital.

Fortunately, German fashion designer Dirk Bikkemberg (who?) has come to his assistance, allowing him to live for free in a fancy pad located within his Flagship Milan store. Vasa parks a brand new Porsche 911 at the store, gets all the Bikkemberg gear