Ahh, c’est Monsieur le fashionable and his missus…

Fashion is confusing. We’ve all been to that party where someone’s standing there with a bowler hat on, some cut-off denim jacket, a pair of pants outside his/her trousers, some sweat bands.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know this was fancy dress,” you say, incorrectly.

“Oh DARLING,” they boom in return, “you really are a square!”

Well, The Spoiler might be a big fat meat and potatoes square, but even so, we can still tell when some strange fashion tips have been exchanging hands. First Thierry Henry was spotted striding around New York City wearing a t-shirt with a big honking tie emblazoned on it, and now his great pal Claude “getting a bit old for football” Makelele has followed suit - his fashionable garment, however, features not a tie, but a solitary pair of gentleman’s spectacles.

What next? Ribery wearing a picture of the boxer shorts he’s not wearing?

How we yearn for the great days when footballers would just wear their kit 24/7. At least we knew where we stood back them.

After the break is a picture of Makelele’s girlfriend, Noemie Lenoir, wearing some fashionable underpants…

The flag sarong takes SwissAustria by storm

When the final whistle blew last night, my flatmate and I bet on how long it would take Sergio Ramos to remove his shirt and deflect attention away from his face. Typically, it takes the Spaniard between eight and ten seconds to reveal his impossibly chiseled torso, and he appeared to halve his record time in Vienna last night. Ramos may have been the only Spaniard who failed to wear his strip during the trophy presentation, but he certainly wasn’t the only player subscribing to Euro 2008’s hottest fashion statement: the flag sarong.

Yes, the days of draping your nation’s colours over your shoulders cape-stylee are long gone - now it’s all about wrapping up your legs in the manner that David Beckham was heavily lambasted for so many years ago. The flag sarong may be worn by ladies and gentleman, and with or without shorts underneath. Only the extremely brave/ shameless should risk going commando.

Observe some first class flag saronging after the break…

Chelsea stars get their leather on in da club

For those that didn’t realise, last night the theme was “Small Leather Jacket” down at Funky Buddha - by far the most sensual of London’s sexy wine bars.

Of course, Lamps was there with pals Ballack and Carvalho, all guffawing and loving their body-tight jackets. Even cricket’s Kevin Pietersen stopped off to let girls stroke his leather jacket and offer to buy him Martinis. But, as is usual with any Chelsea event, one man decided to join in and just made an almighty hash of things - can you guess who?

Awful dress sense is the new good dress sense

Watch out Paris and Milan! With the help of Andriy Voronin and his WAG Julia, The Ukraine is all set to become Europe’s premier fashion location. In the snap above, the Eastern European chic trailblazers are showing us that the shell suit/ leopard print combo is back with a vengeance - just imagine the aesthetic treats that lurk inside their shopping bags. Legwarmers? Dungarees, perhaps?

Looking as good as this, however, comes at a price: Andriy’s D&G shell suit costs 400 notes

Damn it, the French are supposed to be stylish - they even invented the word suave (which has absolutely no English translation). And yet, look at Flamini. Disgusting.

Attending an awards show FOR CHILDREN, the shrugging Arsenal midfielder thought it appropriate to turn up looking like a man who had got dressed by running naked through a jumble sale covered in glue.

Next to him are Fabregas and Rosicky sporting mature adult suits and shoes, looking EXCELLENT, while Mathieu trundled up in trainers and a a genuine tramps belt.

The Big Spoiler Fashion Eye has literally just thrown up.

Away from the pitch, footballers are not just sexual artists, they are also fashion icons - the average man on the street looks to them for style tips, which is why when David Beckham decides that his hair should be cut in sharp zany angles, so does the rest of middle England.

And so to the latest style trend, which came bounding out of Nobu restaurant in the week, as showcased by both Chelsea’s Didier Drogba and Icon magazine’s Monsieur Jamie Redknapp - cringe! Same outfit!

Only last week, The Spoiler was caught cooing over Frank Lampard’s modern take on the naval neckerchief, and now he’s done it again. Dipping his toe into yet more military-inspired chic, the Chelsea man has clearly researched World War Two comics for inspiration, with the classic air force look.

And don’t be fooled, that leather jacket doesn’t just look great, it’s also perfect for these chilly winter mornings.