Catalan powerhouse saves fortune by being useless

Take a long intrusive look at the losing Chelsea/ Man United fans on Thursday morning, and you’ll notice a deadness behind the eyes. That’s because they have spent the whole evening shouting into a pillow, weeping until their brains can no longer process emotions like “despair” or “overwhelming sadness”, and have instead been left with “numbness” - they are just an empty shell. Even the cheerful people of Cardiff probably spent most of Sunday morning repeatedly punching one another in the nose and yelling in Welsh.

No such self-pity, however, over in sunny Spain

Future of Arsenal’s best player in the hands of his meddling parents

When Real Madrid came to Arsenal last summer jabbing their heavily bejewelled fingers at a picture of Cesc Fabregas and brandishing 40 million euros, they must have thought they’d done enough to leave with their prize. The word from the Fabregas family, however, was

Mischievous Spanish press envision randy Brazilian at the Bridge by January

Madrid-based Spanish daily Marca, always keen to get on FC Barcelona’s delicate nerves, have reported that Barça’s Ronaldinho has struck a deal with Chelsea worth 10 million euros a year, but that Chelsea want him to blot out the sun for Shaun Wright-Phillips in January.

Ronaldinho has had a miserable season so far, with few highlights apart from the notorious party following a Brazil game in Rio, which he left at 11 the next morning hidden in the boot of a car. Back in Spain he has even had to suffer the indignity of being a substitute, and the team plays better without him.

At Chelsea he would once again be under the influence of Dutch hardnut Henk Ten Cate, who pushed the infuriating Brazilian to some of his better performances in recent years.

The report claims that Ronaldinho’s brother and agent is negotiating with Barcelona to allow the toothsome star to leave on a free transfer, a request the Catalans are likely to greet with a watery smile and a shake of the head. On Barcelona message boards, however, fans are saying Chelsea can have him with a ribbon on. And the wanker brother too.