FC Twente boss continues to embarrass himself in the Eredivisie

Steve McClaren’s post match interview checklist:

• Foreign managers in the Premier league are successful, so try to emulate their mannerisms and command of English
• Put an upward inflection and pause at the end of every sentence to make it sound as unnatural as possible
• Speak unnecessarily slowly - this disguises the ghastly northern accent and ensures the interviewer is suitably patronised
• Use lots of tired clichés like “we killed the game by scoring more goals” and “anything can happen in football”
• Learn nothing from criticism of new speech pattern

Spoiler bonus: Check out Schteve’s Braveheart impression from earlier this week

[Spotted on Off The Post]

FC Twente gaffer trades Dutch accent for Scottish raw

Redknapp’s plans to play the reserves might need altering

While all four still stand a strong chance of progressing, the Premier League’s UEFA Cup hopefuls Aston Villa, Portsmouth, Tottenham and Manchester City all drew interesting group stage opposition.

Harry Redknapp spoke about fielding reserves in some games but may rethink that policy when they clash with overwhelming tournament favourites AC Milan while Aston Villa will be challenged by Martin Jol’s Bundesliga table-toppers Hamburg and Marco van Basten’s Ajax.

Tottenham drew two teams whose star players they raided this summer - Luka Modric’s former side Dinamo Zagreb and Roman Pavlyuchenko’s old club Spartak Moscow while Manchester City will face off against Steve McClaren’s FC Twente in one of the toughest groups.

The good news for the Premier League representatives were that all four avoided Sevilla, Valencia and Standard Liege, who are three of the top four non-English clubs in the betting. The full draw is after the jump.

That Ronaldinho must be a bad influence

Being such a devout Christian, Kaka usually does everything possible to shy away from controversy but even he couldn’t resist a dig at Jose Mourinho after AC Milan triumphed 1-0 in the Milan derby.

The former Chelsea boss was adamant that his team deserved a point from the game and also took a swipe at Serie A leaders Lazio. He said:

“I saw two teams tonight and neither one deserved a win more than the other,” before adding: “When I look at the table, with all due respect, I don’t look at Lazio, Napoli or Catania. I see that we are ahead of Roma, Juventus and Milan.”

Kaka, whose compatriot and polar opposite Ronaldinho scored the winner with his first goal for the club, bit back by saying:

UCL qualifiers, 8.05pm, BBC3 (Ars) and ITV1 (Liv), Free £30 bet

Former England manager and self-ordained Dutchman Schteve McClaren hasn’t had much luck in North London during his career, and that won’t change tonight. Meanwhile, the luck that has seen Liverpool claim maximum points in the league will continue when Standard Liege visit Anfield.

Read on for reasons why Arsene and Rafa will be celebrating tonight…

Five reasons why Arsenal will beat FC Twente

1. Last season Arsenal won the away leg of their Champions League qualifier with Sparta Prague 2-0 but they didn’t ease up in the second - winning 3-0.

2. Steve McClaren’s last trip to the Emirates while Middlesbrough boss saw him suffer a humiliating 7-0 defeat.

3. Arsenal have lost just one of their 56 home

Proof that the first time wasn’t a misguided one-off

“It’s just the way it is here. It’s so [that] Dutch people can understand”

Schteve McClaren justifies his ridiculous interview accent

Err, Steve, what are you doing?

Oh, how the nation moans when a foreign manager comes in and can’t get to grips with the language within a week. But this, people, is the alternative. Five minutes in Holland and Steve McClaren has taken to speaking like a smug Dutch gentleman who’s just enjoyed some fantastic afternoon sex. Is he mocking them?

FC Twente/ Arsenal, Setanta Sports 1, tonight, 7.45pm

This is the moment Steve McClaren has been waiting for. It’s his chance to show the world that it’s not his fault that England are a bit poo, and what better way to do that than by beating the mighty Arsenal with an unfancied Dutch team who appear to accept garden furniture in lieu of a subs bench. Winning over two legs might be too much to ask, but he stands every chance of winning the first bout…

The five reasons why FC Twente will triumph in the UCL 3rd qualifying round first leg

1. Arsenal have a poor record against Dutch opposition in the Champions League, winning just three of their last ten.

2. The last time Arsenal were eliminated from the Champions League by a foreign side, it was by the Dutch - PSV in 2006/07. On that occasion, the windmill lovers won the home leg 1-0 and drew 1-1 at the Emirates in the return.

3. McClaren boasts an impressive European club record, with 13 wins