The Battle of Stamford Bridge controversy rages on

The crazy mofos at Who Ate All The Pies have footage of the controversial fight that followed the Chelsea/ Manchester Utd tie on Saturday. It looks pretty inconclusive, but the press keep stressing that Sam Bethell is a tattooed Millwall fan who worships Satan and drinks puppy blood, so it’s almost certain that he started it.

But all this nonsense is clouding the real question

Remember, you heard it here first

Much like the shoddily-staffed CTU building in 24, the Arsenal camp is not without its moles. Here’s the latest from our man behind closed doors:

1. Thierry Henry has already had two offers from British clubs. One of these may be the Gunners.

2. Fabregas will be captain next season.

3. Everyone at Arsenal hates Jens Lehmann (a bit like everyone else, then).

4. Adebayor and Toure got into a bout of dressing room fisticuffs following the Champions League defeat at Anfield, and had to be separated.

Lock ‘em in a little cage!

South Americans are the undisputed world leaders in football violence (evidence here and here), and subsequently they are also pioneers in instilling respect among players. The latest solution for controlling and punishing aggressive players is to stick them in a special cage next to the pitch.

Expect to see one installed at every Premier League ground next season (and expect to see Joey Barton end up in one every week).

[101 Great Goals]

Portsmouth love rat inspires more hatred in serial on/off WAG

Danielle Lloyd was paying a visit to London nightspot Funky Buddha last night (Dani in a nightclub on a school night? I know, I’m as surprised as you are) when she ran into a spot of bother with an another ex-rutt partner of Portsmouth playa Jermain Defoe. (Bearing in mind that Defoe has probably slept with the majority of the female patrons in any given London nightclub, it’s impossible to identify the girl at this point.) Apparently, things got fierce and Dani threw a glass of booze in the girl’s face, which led to her forced ejection from the club.

What could have enraged the former reality television racist so much? Did the alcohol soaked lady try to discredit

South America continues to lead the way in sporting violence

I wish all football highlights were narrated by the guy who does America’s Wildest Police Chases…

[Pies]

Some people don’t take on-pitch trickery lightly

The lost art of hissy fit has just been reinvigorated

Step one: Pick a teammate at random and start insulting them. Maybe question his choice of car or the sluttiness of his girlfriend (‘Your car costs less than mine and your girl isn’t as slutty as mine’).

Step two: Attack. Throw something light that comes to hand, and for god’s sake don’t engage in fisticuffs. Your sponsorship deals and vanity could both be heavily affected if your hair and face are touched.

Step three: Your opponent will have worked himself up into a tissy

They like to settle disputes with bloody brawls

It’s generally accepted that mild aggression has a part to play in ice hockey, yet here’s a bout of fisticuffs from Tuesday night that would make