Brazilian set to become slimmer version of Marlon Brando

When he dressed up as Godzilla for an Brazilian soft drink advert, (Fat) Ronaldo may have lost a sizable chunk of his dignity, but he developed a taste for life in front of a camera.

Spanish paper AS are reporting that the tubby World Cup winner will make his movie debut* in an Iranian film, after signing a ‘preliminary contract’ with its producers.

The main character is a Palestinian girl who lives in a refugee camp in Southern Lebanon. The young football fan - known as ‘Ronaldo’ - dies after losing a leg to an anti-personnel mine.

The as-yet-untitled film will begin filming in Lebanon in September. Conveniently, Ronaldo’s Corinthians are set to play a friendly against Flamengo in the region on September 15th, giving the striker the perfect opportunity to hone his acting chops.

*Before the pedants windmill in, we know Ronaldo already made his film debut in the utterly unremarkable Goal! 2: Living the Dream. However, we’re pretty sure this went straight to DVD, so it doesn’t count. 

Chelsea boss made big screen debut as evil commie footballer

[Skip to 4.20 to see some De Niro-esque acting from Ancelotti]

When The Spoiler thinks of slightly duff films based around football matches, Escape to Victory and Mean Machines immediately spring to mind. Now, however, the 1983 Italian film Don Camillo has officially entered the canon-o’-crap, and it has been brought to our attention thanks to a starring appearance by Chelsea gaffer Carlo Ancelotti.

In this morning’s Sun, the Champions League winning manager sheds some light on his big screen debut:

“In Don Camillo, I play for a communist football team owned by the village mayor Peppone, the great rival of Don Camillo. It was just a football match between angels and demons. I was really happy to be in this film as Don Camillo was born in Brescello, just 10 kilometres from where I was born.”

As you can see in the clip above (which was sought out by our handsome friends at Off The Post), Ancelotti plays for a team of nasty commie Devils in the film, and makes a substitute appearance in the game along with fellow former pros Luciano Spinosi and Roberto Pruzzo.

The whole thing looks camper than a row of tents filled with men dressed like Cristiano Ronaldo, but Ancelotti’s onscreen talents certainly seem to eclipse those of Vinnie Jones.

Mental German keeper to challenge Alec Baldwin for World’s Greatest Living Actor title

Hot on the heels of his cameo appearance in the critically acclaimed masterpiece Goal II: Living the Dream, former Arsenal and current VfB Stuttgart goalkeeper Jens Lehmann has earned his first acting role proper.

The German star will play football talent scout John Jacobs (!) in Themba, which is currently shooting in South Africa. The film - based on the novel of the same name by German-Dutch writer Lutz van Dijk - follows an eleven year-old named Themba as he makes his way from poverty to the South African Football Team.

The film is unlikely to be a blockbuster (it doesn’t even have an IMDB page at the moment), but its international release just before the South Africa 2010 World Cup should boost its popularity.

[ScreenDaily, thanks to Mozzer for the tip]

Yup, look. There he is.

If you thought the Transporter franchise was simply an excuse for Jason Statham to take off his shirt and wrestle in oil, then you’d be quite right. However, it is also the vehicle with which Cristiano Ronaldo appears to have launched his film career. (Vehicle? Transporter? Sorry, we’ll get our coats.)

What’s that, Doubting Thomas? You don’t believe the Portuguese man-o’-sex is in Transporter 2? Head to [2.28] in the video below and prepare to have your tiny cynical minds blown…

Ok, so it might not actually be Cristiano, but a very good look-alike sent in by The Spoiler’s number two fan Jack (our number one fan is Stan Collymore).

Spoiler bonus: Ronny isn’t the only Manchester Utd star to have a doppelganger in a film - recognise Archy in RocknRolla?

Also appearing on a computer near you…

West Ham fans inform John Terry of his mother’s tendency to shoplift. Hear them say naughty things to Lampsie here

Real Madrid want to give Zlatan Ibrahimovic an outrageous amount of money to under perform in big games
[Goal.com]

Interestment’s Football Munchkin XI
[Interestment]

(Fat) Ronaldo’s story might be made into a film
[Dirty Tackle]

Never gonna happen: Franz Beckenbauer wants Guus Hiddink at Bayern Munich
[Daily Mail]

The very same Guus Hiddink wants to “put the brakes on” Barcelona
[The Guardian]

Paul Scholes doesn’t mind winning ugly
[Sky Sports]

The Spoiler recommends: Bumpy Pitch T-shirts. They’re good quality and they look pretty darn good - check them out here

“I am not a man. I am Cantona”

101GG have discovered a trailer for the film Looking for Eric, released in the UK on 12 June.

Melanie Slade will appear in the next* Harry Potter flick

Melanie Slade burst on to the WAG scene in 2006, when she and the rest of the country’s finest supporting ladies did their best to distract England from winning anything. Since she started romancing weak-shouldered Arsenal favourite Theo Walcott, Miss Slade has been passing the hours with a physiotherapy degree, but according to The Mirror, the Southampton-based beauty has also found herself some gainful employment:

WAG Mel Slade - the girlfriend of England and Arsenal star Theo Walcott - has landed a role in the next Harry Potter film. Mel, 20, appears with Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One.

In the movie, set for release in November 2010, Mel plays a pal of Hermione (Watson) as they watch a game of Quidditch - and she even gets to say some lines.

Mel may thank her fine acting talents for landing this role, but a healthy dollop of nepotism also had its part to play. The film’s director David Yates just happens to be the partner of Theo’s aunt Yvonne.

Spoiler bonus: More of Mel here

*The next HP film is out in July, Melanie will be in the one after that.

David Peace’s excellent book gets the big screen treatment

The beautiful game has a long tradition in the world of cinema, upheld by fine films such as When Saturday Comes, Fever Pitch, and Soccer Dog: The Movie. The latest addition to the football film canon is The Damned United, which chronicles Brian Clough’s disastrous 44-day stint at Leeds United, the league champions at the time.

The part of Cloughie is played by Michael Sheen (the guy who plays Frost in Frost/ Nixon, not the guy from Apocalypse Now), and also features Jim Broadbent and Timothy Spall.

The 2006 David Peace novel upon which the film is based is very high on The Spoiler’s required reading list, and is revered as one of the greatest football novel ever made.

However, the controversial book, which the author describes as “fiction based upon fact”, has been heavily criticised by Clough’s widow and family, and many loyal admirers are also choosing to boycott the new project.

The film has much to live up to, and we’ll get a chance to see it in UK cinemas on March 27th.