While Steven Gerrard can be found whimpering on the streets of Liverpool, seriously disgruntled because his club won’t spend enough money on new friends for him, over in the AC quarter of Milan, rumour would suggest that money is swilling around like expensive sparkling wine in a Jermain Defoe bathtub.

Starting from the back, the Italian giants have been linked with Chelsea’s bemasked goal stopper Petr Cech - supposedly the planet’s most beguiling keeper. In front of him, they’re looking to poach France’s Willy Sagnol from Bayern Munich, as well as the Italian crowd pleaser Gianluca Zambrotta, who used to ply his wares so well at Juve before morphing into a less convincing wingback at Barcelona.

Visit a North London pub at any time during the week, and you’ll see two grown men ferociously bloodying one another’s noses, bellowing profanities about Tottenham and Arsenal. The debate as to which is better will rage until the end of time. Except in the Jonathan Woodgate house.

Damn it, the French are supposed to be stylish - they even invented the word suave (which has absolutely no English translation). And yet, look at Flamini. Disgusting.

Attending an awards show FOR CHILDREN, the shrugging Arsenal midfielder thought it appropriate to turn up looking like a man who had got dressed by running naked through a jumble sale covered in glue.

Next to him are Fabregas and Rosicky sporting mature adult suits and shoes, looking EXCELLENT, while Mathieu trundled up in trainers and a a genuine tramps belt.

The Big Spoiler Fashion Eye has literally just thrown up.

[Mad Photoshoppin’ skillz courtesy of Who Ate All The Pies]