The Spoiler

What’s wrong with you, Arsenal and Spurs players? Can’t take the heat?


North London proves a little bit too edgy for troubled footballers…

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People who survive North London are cut from a different cloth to the average gent. That’s probably why Hleb can’t take it, but the likes of Lehmann, Bergkamp and Amy Winehouse can. They’re just a little bit edgier, and don’t seem to mind that one minute the pavements will be littered with drugs paraphernalia, and the next you’ll be diving out of the way of a speeding Range Rover on a gorgeous cobbled street. It is, in short, testing.

Hence, you’d be hard pushed to find an area in the world that football players seem so eager to escape from - and that includes Wigan.

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Posted: July 21st, 2008 by Josh Burt

Is Liverpool the NICEST club in the Premier League?


Just a question, not a declaration of war…

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Alright, football fans, put the grenades down, and throw your machetes into a nearby hedge. The Spoiler knows the drill by now, your claws are out, and we can only apologise for the headline - we didn’t do it just to stir you into a frenzy of mouth frothing and blue language. We are not Liverpool fans (for the most part), we’re just looking at the facts. Perhaps once you’ve sobered up enough, you might find time to study them with us?

Firstly, Liverpool are the only Big Four team that no one ever wants to leave. Chelsea are struggling to keep Lampsie and Drog-drog interested, Hleb and Flamini couldn’t wait to scarper from North London, and even up in Manchester - supposedly home to the best team in Europe - Cristiano Ronaldo is champing at the bit to get away, and start afresh on a new set of local prostitutes. Probably Spanish ones.

Yet, over in the Merseyside city of Liverpool, no one can bear the thought of not coming home to Rafa Benitez’s warm womanly bosom, regardless of the fact that the city is about as far away from being a genuine European Capital of Culture as you can get (where next? Norwich?). Even Crouchie - a man with sophisticated tastes for things like oysters and Abbey Clancy - seemed reluctant to go south.

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Posted: July 16th, 2008 by Josh Burt

Is anyone not going to AC Milan this summer?


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While Steven Gerrard can be found whimpering on the streets of Liverpool, seriously disgruntled because his club won’t spend enough money on new friends for him, over in the AC quarter of Milan, rumour would suggest that money is swilling around like expensive sparkling wine in a Jermain Defoe bathtub.

Starting from the back, the Italian giants have been linked with Chelsea’s bemasked goal stopper Petr Cech - supposedly the planet’s most beguiling keeper. In front of him, they’re looking to poach France’s Willy Sagnol from Bayern Munich, as well as the Italian crowd pleaser Gianluca Zambrotta, who used to ply his wares so well at Juve before morphing into a less convincing wingback at Barcelona.

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Posted: May 14th, 2008 by Josh Burt

Woodgate chose Spurs over Arsenal - is Professor Wenger losing his appeal?


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Visit a North London pub at any time during the week, and you’ll see two grown men ferociously bloodying one another’s noses, bellowing profanities about Tottenham and Arsenal. The debate as to which is better will rage until the end of time. Except in the Jonathan Woodgate house.

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Posted: May 9th, 2008 by Josh Burt

Flamini brings shame to Arsenal with an almighty fashion faux-pas


Arsenal boys on the red carpet

Damn it, the French are supposed to be stylish - they even invented the word suave (which has absolutely no English translation). And yet, look at Flamini. Disgusting.

Attending an awards show FOR CHILDREN, the shrugging Arsenal midfielder thought it appropriate to turn up looking like a man who had got dressed by running naked through a jumble sale covered in glue.

Next to him are Fabregas and Rosicky sporting mature adult suits and shoes, looking EXCELLENT, while Mathieu trundled up in trainers and a a genuine tramps belt.

The Big Spoiler Fashion Eye has literally just thrown up.

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Posted: March 13th, 2008 by Josh Burt

Kaka doesn’t belong to Jesus anymore…


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[Mad Photoshoppin’ skillz courtesy of Who Ate All The Pies]

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Posted: March 5th, 2008 by Ryan Bailey