Real lose one game without C-Ron, go into complete meltdown
If there’s one thing the Spanish football press love more than those crazy upside down question marks, then it’s pouncing on an opportunity to shed doubt over the internal goings on Real Madrid. Today, there are plenty of stories to suggest that all is not well at the Bernabeu.
Up until last weekend, Los Blancos had enjoyed a 100 per cent record in La Liga, but this was brought to an abrupt end by Seville. AS tell us how Cristiano Ronaldo “suffered” while watching the game on TV, and Marca have taken the Portuguese star’s absence as an opportunity to run a hasty poll. According to their statistics, a whopping 58 per cent of Madridistas believe they have “Ronaldodependencia”, or rather an over-dependence on the Portuguese Man-o’-sex. A slightly rash conclusion, considering the season is six games old and cursed Ronny has missed only one of them.
Meanwhile,Sporthas revealed (unsubstantiated) details of a post-Seville handbags session between Karim Benzema and Manuel Pellegrini. Apparently, the notoriously outspoken Frenchman has already grown tired of being replaced in big games, and has expressed his disapproval of sharing attacking duties with 412-year-old legend Raul, as
Florentino Perez to give each player a booklet of rules
Since Cristiano Ronaldo’s arrival at Real Madrid, the Spanish capital’s nightclubs and escort agencies have been bracing themselves for a sharp increase in trade. Madrid’s evening entertainment industry, however, has been dealt a devastating blow by news on the front page of this morning’s Marca: Florentino Perez will issue each player of a booklet detailing the rules of behaviour, and “night excursions” are now prohibited.
Even though the booklet has yet to reach the hands of any of Real Madrid’s stars, Marca have somehow obtained a copy, the highlights of which we have translated below…
1. Proximity
Players will need to appear approachable to the fans.
2. Education
Players must show respect towards all coaches, managers and fans.
Concerned that Real Madrid wasn’t having a big enough impact on our lives, Florentino Perez laid the first stone of “Sports City” when he was in charge of the club in 2004. The project was neglected following his 2006 resignation, but now he is back in the hot seat, the Madrid president is keen to bring the club its very own theme park.
Work on the 60-hectare Sports City site will re-commence next spring, and if all goes to plan, ‘Disneyland Madrid’ will open by 2013. Rides such as the ‘Raul Rollercoaster’ (it just keeps going on and on and on), ‘Sergio Ramos’ House of Haunted Hair Straighteners’ and ‘Cristiano’s prostitute fivesome in 3-D’* will entertain up to two million visitors per year.
Perez has reportedly been shopping around for sponsors for the €150m next stage of construction, and has already held meetings with the mayors of Miami and Beijing
In an interview with Italian left-wing magazine L’Espresso, Michel Platini made his views on Real Madrid’s spending spree clear. “Madrid have ruined the market,” said the UEFA President before explaining that the rise in inflation caused by Florentino Perez’s actions will have a negative impact on the rest of Europe.
After making such damning comments, how odd that the Frenchman should joke about his own value:
“If Cristiano cost 92m, when I was 23 I would have cost 93m.”
After realising the Ronaldo-esque arrogance of his quip, the Frenchman quickly added that he was referring to 93m old French Francs. Priceless stuff.
Although the comments appear to be made in jest, The Spoiler detects a hint of bitterness in his words. Platini was regarded as one of the best players of his era, and in 1982, at the age of 25, he moved to Juventus, the richest club of the time. The Italians paid a ‘nominal fee’ for the French captain, so he was denied the record-breaking transfer fee that would have asserted his status as one of the greatest names in the game.
Nearly 80,000 fans turn up to greet world’s most expensive player
If you thought the media fanfare surrounding Kaka’s unveiling was excessive, it was nothing compared to the spectacle that saw Cristiano Ronaldo welcomed to Real Madrid.
Just under 80,000 fans piled into the Bernabeu for a glimpse of their latest box office signing, and some could barely contain their excitement: plenty of the balding, middle-aged security staff were called into action as hysterical fans raced onto the pitch to try and touch the tricky winger.
Rather than attempt to wrestle the hallowed number seven shirt away from Raul, Ronaldo has been given the number nine squad number. Fortunately, he trademarked the CR9 moniker back in January.
After receiving an introduction from Florentino Perez, C-Ron led the crowd with a shout of ‘Hala Madrid’, before doing some keep-ups like a performing monkey. Unfortunately, his abilities temporarily escaped him, and he lost control of the ball.
Check out footage from Cristiano’s first press conference after the jump. Our personal highlight: when asked who the best player in the world is, Kaka, Messi or himself, Ronaldo replies, “Madrid.”
While Real Madrid have been busy signing Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka and co, the Big Four have so far captured Thomas Vermaelen, Ross Turnbull, Daniel Sturridge, Glen Johnson, Antonio Valencia and, probably, Michael Owen.
With all the big names heading over to Spain, the Premier League’s elite have been forced to adopt a different strategy this summer, as shown by the unusually high number of English players being bought.
The arrival of the galacticos has left plenty of talented players at Real Madrid looking for new clubs, some potentially capable of doing a job for one of the Premier League’s title challengers.
The Spoiler wants you to pick which one of the men reportedly made available by Florentino Perez last month would be your first choice. To avoid sitting on the fence, we’d probably go for Wesley Sneijder:
French prankster intends to join the Florentino Perez revolution
A few weeks ago, Bayern Munich chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge was adamant that Franck Ribery would not leave the Bundesliga club this summer.
The handsome midfielder was present at Bayern’s first day of training yesterday, but French daily sport paper L’Equipe believe he used the opportunity to drop a bombshell on new manager Louis van Gaal. Apparently, Ribery has expressed an interest in joining his national team-mate Karim Benzema at Real Madrid:
[Translated from French]
Ribery told L’equipe of his desire to move elsewhere: “It’s decided, I want to leave.”
When asked whether he intended to move to Real Madrid, or whether it was another club he wanted to go to, he spontaneously replied: “Yes, it will be Real or nothing.”
Die Roten’s general manager Uli Hoeness was not surprised by Ribery’s attitude, reasoning that “Life is not always a fairytale.” The former German striker, however, made it clear that the club will do everything in their power
Los Blancos show the world one of their new employees
Last night, Real Madrid held a press conference to unveil their second biggest summer signing, some chap called Kaka. Around 50,000 ‘madridistas’ piled into the Bernabéu for a glimpse of their new hero dressed in white, which is more than the average attendances of all but two Premier League clubs last season.
Kaka was tipped to take on the number 5 shirt, making him the third consecutive world player of the year to wear it (after Fabio Cannavaro and Zinedine Zidane). However, it was revealed that he will wear number 8, and Fernando ‘Lady’ Gago will inherit the hallowed number 5, as it is said to be a “very special number” for the Argentinean.
The Brazilian made a very brief speech to the fawning crowd:
“Today it is a very special day for me, I am very happy that this new stage of my career is in Real Madrid. My desire is to have my name in the history of this club, with victories and conquests.”
One man who is hoping for conquests of a very different kind is Cristiano Ronaldo (seamless link, eh?). He was supposed to be unveiled yesterday too, but his press conference has been put back until Monday, presumably so they can build a stage big enough for his ego. This morning, Madrid paid Manchester £80m in full for The Portuguese winger’s services.
Spoiler bonus: Check out video of Kaka’s big day after the jump…
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