Paraguayan team should call Ireland for lessons in gracious losing…

Last night’s shenanigans in Paris (don’t visit the Stade de France’s Wikipedia page if you’re swear sensitive) seems to have cast football’s previous talking point - unrestrained violence on the pitch - into the dark recesses of everyone’s mind. The Spoiler is here to right the balance, with news of last night’s Copa Sudamerica brawl between Fluminense and Cerro Porteno.

After conceding twice in injury time to fall to a 3-1 aggregate defeat, Cerro Porteno sparked a vicious ‘22 players plus coaching staff and stadium employees’ brawl, which was only broken up when Brazilian military police rocked up.

As far as we can make out, it all kicked off with the most inflammatory dance in football history (0:37), before petering out after a comical double KO at 1:37.

Botafogo/ Fluminense match decided by girly strike

Budding footballers take note: when taking a spot kick, try not to give the keeper enough time to dive both ways.