Hooligans finally have their day…

The Spoiler spent last night swanning around on a red carpet in Leicester Square, squealing excitedly about being at the premiere of Cass, the latest in a long list of movies dedicated to football violence - like Football Factory, and that one with Elijah Wood that wasn’t Lord of The Rings.

After a couple of hours slowly deflating in a comfortable cinema seat, The Spoiler re-emerged onto the streets of London feeling a little bit foggy about what it must have felt like to be a football maniac in the 1970s. According to the film, all Arsenal fans were Gollum-like weeds, trembling on amphetamines, scavenging around for guns and discarded biros. While Cass Pennant and his ICF mates didn’t need drugs to start a fight. Their violence just came naturally. Which was, of course, supposed to make it seem somehow more honourable, but instead, made it about a thousand times more terrifying.

Like most people, The Spoiler has only ever fought when completely high.

Scariest of all, however, was that bad actor Paul Kaye - aka Dennis Pennis - completely stole the show. How we wish that was a compliment to his performance.