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Insert your own smutty innuendo-laden intro about this pic of Lamps’ ex surrounded by cats
( Kickette )

Notts County fail to sell Meadow Lane to Roberto Mancini
( Eurosport )

Ten great Serie A disasters
( The Offside )

John Terry in the running to be FIFA World Player of the Year. No, really
( Pies )

Kettle. Pot. Black etc

The screenshot above comes from a televison advert you’ll soon be zipping through on the sky+ this Autumn. Showing that not all government agencies lack a sense of humour, the Department of Health have enlisted tooth-rotting sugar-barons the corporately responsible Pepsi, and a man nicknamed ‘Fat Frank’ to front their £75m marketing push to reduce the waistlines of the nation’s children.

With the exciting slogan “active parents make active kids”, Lamps cryptically tells us, “Even the best finishers need someone to start them off,” in the strapline on the ad.

In the token quote, Lamps says. “You are never too young to get active and have fun. Once you have found what it is you love doing, the passion can stay with you for life. It’s about getting out there and discovering a sport or an activity you love and in doing so staying fit and healthy”.

Excellent.

It’s like the Crossbar Challenge, but more corner-y and Chelsea-ish

Piror to their Champions League encounter with the acronym-tastic APOEL this week, Lampsie and JT were in a competitive mood. With Signor Ancelotti looking on, the Chelsea stars squared off against one another in order to see who could score directly from a corner.

Have the Blues found themselves a new set piece specialist?

[Footy Factor]

New Dan Brown book explains Pat Lampard tribute

We loved how the short chapters and pointless cliff hangers of Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code made us feel super intelligent, but The Spoiler has not yet had the pleasure of taking in Dan Brown’s latest epic The Lost Symbol (£18.99 for an airport blockbuster? We don’t care how hard the hard back is, that’s a rip-off!).

Our friends at The Mirror football desk, however, have furiously pawed through it, and found an interesting football-related passage in the process. When symbologist protagonist Robert Langdon discovers a severed hand with the index finger pointing upwards, he remarks:

“This pointing-hand gesture - with its index finger and thumb extended upward - is a well-known symbol of the Ancient Mysteries, and it appears all over the world in ancient art. This same gesture appears in three of Leonardo da Vinci’s most famous encoded masterpieces - The Last Supper, Adoration of the Magi, and Saint John the Baptist. It’s a symbol of man’s mystical connection to God.”

“I’ve never seen it before,” Sato said. Then watch ESPN, Langdon thought, always amused to see professional athletes point skyward in gratitude to God after a touchdown or home run. He wondered how many knew they were continuing a pre-Christian mystical tradition of acknowledging the mystical power above, which, for one brief moment, had transformed them into a God capable of miraculous feats.”

So there you have it. When he points to the sky, Frank Lampard isn’t paying tribute to his mother who tragically died of pneumonia last year, he’s actually performing an ancient ritual of briefly transforming into a God.

And who said Dan Brown books were rubbish, eh?

Lampsie, JT and co are told not to make time for the fans

It’s the sort of thing that usually happens before the start of the season, but yesterday 8,000 Chelsea fans gathered at Stamford Bridge for an open day training session.

Such events are usually conducive to a positive and relaxed atmosphere, where lucky fans can get pictures and autographs with their heroes, who are not distracted by the pressure of a big matchday.

Not so at Chelsea. Supporters who made the effort yesterday were told over the tannoy system that the players would not sign anything, citing “safety concerns”. The club’s decision to protect their players from RSI and carpal tunnel syndrome was not well receieved:

After a 90-minute practice session

Hollywood funnyman shows admiration for Chelsea ‘tough guy’

Prior to Chelsea’s friendly match with Inter Milan in California earlier this week, Will Ferrell was given the opportunity to aimlessly wonder around on the pitch and mingle with players. He did exactly that, showing his loyal support of the Blues by wearing the same old Chelsea shirt that he inexplicably donned while promoting Step Brothers on The Daily Show last year.

Despite being pictured with Mr Chelsea, Ferrell let the Chelsea OS know his favourite player doesn’t park his Bentley in disabled bays:

‘I love Frank Lampard, he’s one of the toughest guys of all time.’

We can understand the Lampsie love, but we’re not so sure about the ‘toughest guy of all time’ claim - have you not seen this picture, Mr Ferrell?

The Talladega Nights star also revealed his passion for the beautiful game:

‘I went to a match against Barcelona two or three years ago and the atmosphere was just fantastic, there is nothing like that here, so it was really fun to watch.

[…]

‘I can’t say that I only follow Chelsea, I try to keep an eye on all the team in the Premiership and I love soccer in general.

‘I’m a big sports fan as a whole, and was a sports journalist, a very, very good sports journalist.’

Wait, you were a sports journalist? We thought Champ Kind covered sports?

Spoiler bonus: Some classic Ferrell after the jump…

My my, didn’t the London clubs do well last night?

Chelsea 2/ Inter Milan 0
In front of a huge crowd at Pasadena’s historic Rose Bowl stadium, Chelsea entertained their American fans with a win over the Serie A champions. Goals came from two of Jose Mourinho’s former lovers, Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard.

SC Columbia 1/ Arsenal 7
Despite a very embarrassing slip up for the opener, the Gunners absolutely spanked minnows SC Columbia in Vienna last night. Braces from Nicklas Bendtner, RVP and Aaron Ramsey were topped off with an effort from William Gallas. 

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Christian Poulsen to Fulham
The Times report that the West London outfit have been given the opportunity to sign the Juventus midfielder, who has turned down a £6m move to Fenerbahçe.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: The Dane may be holding out for a move to the Premier League, but he won’t get the hero’s welcome he could have expected in Turkey.

Andriy Voronin to Hull
After losing out on Michael Owen, Phil Brown could make a move for Liverpool’s pony-tailed Ukrainian, according to the Mirror. Much like the arrangement that saw him return to the Bundesliga