Five Gunners stars who should tie their belongings in a red and white polka-dot handkerchief, put it on the end of a stick, and hit the road
[Caught Offside]
West Ham’s female fanbase gets better and better
[The Sun]
Although incredibly irritating, vuvuzelas are clearly a big part of African football culture right now. This is South Africa’s World Cup. Just STFU and get on with it, Japan/Alonso. We’re not in the NFL.
[Guardian]
Hooligans force player to switch clubs
[Dirty Tackle]
Lampsie has two attractive women fighting for his attention
[Daily Star]
Football chiefs could face £900k compensation bill…
Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard has been forced to pull out of England’s Qatar-based friendly with Brazil on Saturday, after picking up a hamstring injury brought on by the ‘cramped’ team plane.
The FA are now reportedly facing a £900,000 compensation claim from the Blues, as they look to reclaim the £151,000 p/w wages they’ll be shelling out while Lampsie is sprawled out over a physio’s bench.
According to The Sun, Lampard tore a thigh muscle during England’s first training session, after attempting to “burst into a sprint” (seriously, those were the words they used.) The finger of blame was immediately pointed at a pokey jet the FA had chartered to fly its team 3,000 miles to Qatar.
The screenshot above comes from a televison advert you’ll soon be zipping through on the sky+ this Autumn. Showing that not all government agencies lack a sense of humour, the Department of Health have enlisted tooth-rotting sugar-barons the corporately responsible Pepsi, and a man nicknamed ‘Fat Frank’ to front their £75m marketing push to reduce the waistlines of the nation’s children.
With the exciting slogan “active parents make active kids”, Lamps cryptically tells us, “Even the best finishers need someone to start them off,” in the strapline on the ad.
In the token quote, Lamps says. “You are never too young to get active and have fun. Once you have found what it is you love doing, the passion can stay with you for life. It’s about getting out there and discovering a sport or an activity you love and in doing so staying fit and healthy”.
It’s like the Crossbar Challenge, but more corner-y and Chelsea-ish
Piror to their Champions League encounter with the acronym-tastic APOEL this week, Lampsie and JT were in a competitive mood. With Signor Ancelotti looking on, the Chelsea stars squared off against one another in order to see who could score directly from a corner.
Have the Blues found themselves a new set piece specialist?
We loved how the short chapters and pointless cliff hangers of Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code made us feel super intelligent, but The Spoiler has not yet had the pleasure of taking in Dan Brown’s latest epic The Lost Symbol (£18.99 for an airport blockbuster? We don’t care how hard the hard back is, that’s a rip-off!).
Our friends at The Mirror football desk, however, have furiously pawed through it, and found an interesting football-related passage in the process. When symbologist protagonist Robert Langdon discovers a severed hand with the index finger pointing upwards, he remarks:
“This pointing-hand gesture - with its index finger and thumb extended upward - is a well-known symbol of the Ancient Mysteries, and it appears all over the world in ancient art. This same gesture appears in three of Leonardo da Vinci’s most famous encoded masterpieces - The Last Supper, Adoration of the Magi, and Saint John the Baptist. It’s a symbol of man’s mystical connection to God.”
“I’ve never seen it before,” Sato said. Then watch ESPN, Langdon thought, always amused to see professional athletes point skyward in gratitude to God after a touchdown or home run. He wondered how many knew they were continuing a pre-Christian mystical tradition of acknowledging the mystical power above, which, for one brief moment, had transformed them into a God capable of miraculous feats.”
So there you have it. When he points to the sky, Frank Lampard isn’t paying tribute to his mother who tragically died of pneumonia last year, he’s actually performing an ancient ritual of briefly transforming into a God.
Lampsie, JT and co are told not to make time for the fans
It’s the sort of thing that usually happens before the start of the season, but yesterday 8,000 Chelsea fans gathered at Stamford Bridge for an open day training session.
Such events are usually conducive to a positive and relaxed atmosphere, where lucky fans can get pictures and autographs with their heroes, who are not distracted by the pressure of a big matchday.
Not so at Chelsea. Supporters who made the effort yesterday were told over the tannoy system that the players would not sign anything, citing “safety concerns”. The club’s decision to protect their players from RSI and carpal tunnel syndrome was not well receieved:
Hollywood funnyman shows admiration for Chelsea ‘tough guy’
Prior to Chelsea’s friendly match with Inter Milan in California earlier this week, Will Ferrell was given the opportunity to aimlessly wonder around on the pitch and mingle with players. He did exactly that, showing his loyal support of the Blues by wearing the same old Chelsea shirt that he inexplicably donned while promoting Step Brothers on The Daily Show last year.
‘I love Frank Lampard, he’s one of the toughest guys of all time.’
We can understand the Lampsie love, but we’re not so sure about the ‘toughest guy of all time’ claim - have you not seen this picture, Mr Ferrell?
The Talladega Nights star also revealed his passion for the beautiful game:
‘I went to a match against Barcelona two or three years ago and the atmosphere was just fantastic, there is nothing like that here, so it was really fun to watch.
[…]
‘I can’t say that I only follow Chelsea, I try to keep an eye on all the team in the Premiership and I love soccer in general.
‘I’m a big sports fan as a whole, and was a sports journalist, a very, very good sports journalist.’
Wait, you were a sports journalist? We thought Champ Kind covered sports?
Spoiler bonus: Some classic Ferrell after the jump…
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