Handsomely-impaired striker wants to be more like Beckham et al

Despite the new season being just over a week away, there is relatively little exciting news going on in the mainstream press. Accordingly, The Sun today ran a full page detailing how Carlos Tevez is convinced he could be an underwear model like David Beckham and Freddie Ljunberg, but admits he is let down by the fact that he looks like a big wet dog. Is this story really worthy of our attention? Couldn’t anybody be an underwear model if they, well, looked like an underwear model?

The best part of the non-story, however, is the weak grasp Carlos Tevez holds on what it takes to advertise pants in a homoerotic nature:

“I don’t have the same marketable image as a Ronaldo or a Lionel Messi.”

Yes, you read that correctly, he aspires to look like countryman Leo Messi, the same gentleman whose sexy poses made this ‘lingerie’ look less appealing than a night out with Craig Bellamy.

Barcelona star should probably stick to the dayjob

When underwear manufacturers select a spokesperson and model from the world of football, they usually side with someone whose good looks and chiselled features best highlight their product. The Adonis-like bodies of David Beckham and Freddie Ljungberg are fine examples of this slightly homoerotic marketing technique.

Argentinean underwear producers Lody have not quite understood this principle, and have attempted to cut into the Calvin Klein/ Armani market share by employing the services of Leo Messi, a man whose face makes young children cry. Something tells me the slouch pose and baggy t-shirt combo will probably not have the punters rushing to emulate the greasy-haired forward. And is it me, or does it look like he’s been wearing those pants for about four days?

Still, he’s obviously doing something right, as he’s managed to land himself a Playboy model.

More slightly disturbing images after the jump.

The model who played Freddie for a fool

With his rock-hard abs, Scandinavian bone structure and immaculate underwear collection, the last thing Freddie Ljunberg expects is to have his WAG stolen from beneath him. Yet that’s exactly what happened when Sunderland midfielder Kieran Richardson cuckolded away 20-year-old model Anara Atanes. She said:

“Freddie’s such a gentleman. He’s sexy and really knows how to turn a girl on. But Kieran’s my little rough diamond. He’s a bad boy, that’s why I like him. We didn’t see much of New York, but a lot of our hotel bedroom. I know it’s naughty, both at the same time, but I’m a naughty girl.”