Ljungberg lets it all out, finally

Well, we’ve all been waiting for this day. It’s taken a while to come out, but Freddie Ljungberg has finally broken down in tears and lifted the lid on how horrible it was playing for Arsenal, and how Arsene Wenger was really mean to him, and how it sometimes makes him so sad to think of poor Thierry Henry - out there in Barcelona, orphaned and crying himself to sleep on the cold streets. Alone. In danger.

With Beckham jogging slowly towards retirement, and Freddie Ljungberg no longer quite so fiercely dressed at the weekends, everyone has been going absolutely bananas with worry - where are we going to get our fashion tips from? Damn it, it’s nearly Spring/Summer!

Well, the worry is over people, because Mr Fashion for the next generation of footballers has just stepped up to the plate - Micah Richards. Yeah, that’s him doing his jacket all the way up, and no your eyes aren’t deceiving you, he has a zip and a pocket on those there jeans.

Welcome to our lives, Micah. Now say “Cheese”!

(oh, apparently saying “Cheese” is no longer cool either)

Ahh, Saint George’s Day - the one day of the year when you can go into the office with your tatts out and blood on your knuckles and no one even bats an eyelid. Because if they do, that’s fighting talk, their eyelid is taking the mick, thinking it’s better than you. Stupid eyelid, coming over here in it’s boat, sneaking past customs, taking our women…

Makes you proud to be English.

The Saint George’s transfer talk reads a little something like this:

Steve Sidwell to Aston Villa
Aston Villa goes to bed every single night and dreams of becoming a Top Four/Five club - and word has it that to make such a transition you need to sell your best player to Liverpool, and bring in Chelsea’s… wait for it… STEEEEEEVE Siiiiiiidwelllllll - hang on, that can’t be right…

Samuel Eto’o to Tottenham
Eto’o said, verbatum: “If next year we continue the same without winning titles here, I will have to go to another place because what I want is to win.” Spurs bloggers heard: “I very much adore Juande Ramos and would love to come to Tottenham Hotspur to defend the Carling Cup.” Unlikely, surely?

In between lovely slices of mango and giant slurps of caffeine-free Diet Coke, The Spoiler has perused and foraged the transfers underworld, and these gems were lurking in the shrubbery. So to speak.

Tony Adams to Arsenal
Hey what’s wrong Arsene? Feeling a wee bit sensitive because your attacking team has problems defending? Oh stop weeping, man, just get Tony Adams in to help you out! (Or so it would seem, apparently).

Kaka OR Leo Messi to Chelsea
Clearly learning nothing whatsoever from the Shevchenko debacle, Roman Abramovich has apparently declared that this summer he wants to hurl around £100 million, preferably in the direction of Kaka, or Messi… or Pele… or Maradona…

Freddie Ljungberg has always had something of the fashionista about him - as have fellow Premier League players Princess Frank, and of course, the honourable Lord David Beckham - and anyone who remembers him trooping about town in the world’s biggest woolly hat knows that he is disturbingly unselfconscious.