English clubs get the bitter taste of defeat in Europe…

Roma 2/ Fulham 1
Fulham lead the game for 50 mins after being put 1-0 up through a Diomansy Kamara penalty. John Arne Riise arrowed in a shot (deflected off of his younger brother, Bjorn Helge) to restore parity before Stefano Okaka Chuka completed the reversal 15 minutes from time. Fulham need to win both their remaining games (CSKA Sofia at home, FC Basel away) to stand a chance of getting through the knockout rounds.

Everton 0/ Benfica 2

The Toffees were once again well and truly served by Benfica, two weeks after their 5-0 humping in Portugal. Former massively-disappointing-Argentine Javier Saviola and the free scoring Oscar Cardozo racked up a goal a piece, leaving Everton second in Group I, three points behind the leaders. A win against AEK Athens next month will see Moyes’ men through comfortably.

Sorry Fulham fans…

Not many British centre-backs could do this. It was late, it was undeserved, but Marco Andreolli’s chest-volley combination was fitting of any occasion.

The alternatives to watching a racist tonight

Heroin users regularly tell thespoiler, that following the intense euphoric rush as the drug first kicks in, comes a withdrawal period. Anxiety, depression, nausea and excessive yawning all follow in the next 24 hours. It’s easy to empathise on weeks like this.

The Champions League shows us a bit of leg on the Tuesday, even more on the Wednesday, but by Thursday, as the Europa League theme strikes up, the aforementioned symptoms are all too familiar.

At 6pm, two struggling sides meet on ITV4, as Lazio host Villareal, currently rock bottom of la Liga. At the same time on ESPN, Everton can continue their march towards the knock-out stages by taking care of former European giants Benfica.

At 8pm, three more matches to ignore in the competition that contains more groups than Simon Cowell’s record label. Martin Jol’s Ajax host Dinamo Zagreb, captained by former Liverpool scapegoat Igor Biscan. ITV4 are showing Celtic’s defeat at home to Hamburg whilst the match of the night is at the Cottage, where Roma come calling on Ch5. Feel free to insert your own Stan Collymore - Cottage related joke. Thespoiler never goes for the easy laugh.

For a better standard of football this evening, MUTV at 7 is the place to watch Manchester United Reserves tackle Blackburn’s second string

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Robinho and Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona
Barcelona’s sporting director Txiki Beguiristain has revealed the Catalan giants are eyeing Robinho, with a potential January approach on the cards. The Brazilian of course has the advantage of being free to play in the Champions League. Cheeky Txiki also spoke of his desire to bring in Cesc Fabregas, brilliantly declaring that, “he was born suckling upon the teat of the football [we play] here.”

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Robinho would be tempted but how much would it take for moneybags City to agree to the deal? Fabregas could move next summer in what promises to be the most drawn-out transfer saga since Ronaldo and Real Madrid.

Emile Heskey to whoever will take him
Heskey has promised to readdress his current position at Villa as the England

The players who didn’t earn their loyalty bonuses

As anyone who has ever divorced will testify, sometimes it is necessary to call time on a big commitment. Footballers who sign big money contracts are no strangers to this maxim, but some jump ship a little earlier than expected. With this in mind, Spoiler correspondent Ben Baker has compiled a top ten list of the shortest spells in football club history. And guess who tops the list…

Sol Campbell
After a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance at Meadow Lane and a quick team photo, the man whom Spurs fans lovingly refer to as ‘Judas’ picked up his boots and walked out on his £40,000-a-week contract. If he manages to stay fit and win his war with his own metabolism, perhaps a fleeting appearance in the MLS lies ahead for football’s least decisive man..

Ali Dia
A favourite story among football fans who are less than supportive of Graeme Souness (and let’s be honest, there are a fair few): after allegedly receiving a call from former World Footballer of the Year George Weah ‘bigging up’ his ‘cousin’, Souness signed him up without reservation. He even had the audacity to replace Sir Tiss with him. Dia was so dreadful that he was hauled off, lasting about 20 minutes. Oh well, Southampton’s loss was Gateshead’s gain…kind of.

Dietmar Hamann
After it appeared that Hamann was surplus to

Some expert advice for the weekend’s activities from Sporting Index

In case you hadn’t noticed, all the cool kids are making their ritual viewing of Soccer Saturday a little more interesting with the help of spread betting. Our friends at Sporting Index are the go-to-guys for this money making art, and they have kindly provided previews of two of this weekend’s big clashes…

Stoke/ Manchester Utd
The Red Devils follow their derby triumph with a trip to the Britannia Stadium, where the Potters lost just four games last season. The comparisons drawn between Stoke’s home and Burnley’s Turf Moor are extremely welcome to sellers of United’s win index spread, as the Clarets, of course, defeated United there earlier in the season. Spread punters who followed the progress of Tony Pulis’s first top-flight season will remember, however, that United were one of the several clubs to leave the Britannia with three points, thanks only to a late Carlos Tevez goal. Chelsea are the only other member of the Big Four to play there so far this season and also required a last gasp winner. Buyers of the time of the last match goal will hope for a similar spread make-up on Saturday.

Fulham/ Arsenal
Due to their demolition jobs on Everton, Portsmouth and Wigan

The boyhood teams of some the game’s biggest names

Generally speaking, Premier League footballers are well advised to be discreet about the team they truly support. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of David Bentley, a supposed lifelong Arsenal fan who suddenly professed to be a boyhood Spurs fan upon switching to the north London side. With this imprudent declaration in mind, Spoiler correspondent Ben Baker has rounded up ten footballers whose loyalties don’t necessarily lay with their employers…

Andrei Arshavin
Despite only recently joining the Gunners, fan favourite Arshavin has never hidden the fact that Barcelona are and always have been his team of choice. He has said he was devastated when a move to the Catalan giants never fully materialised when he was at Zenit and has even stated that he would love to play for Barca since he has been at Arsenal. Now if that isn’t a ploy to gain a bigger contract…

John Terry
Mr. Chelsea didn’t make it to Manchester City in the end this summer. Many Chelsea fans will like to think that it is because he is Blue through and through. However, Terry was actually a Manchester Utd fan growing up. Could this be why he couldn’t bring himself to join the Citizens?

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
The baby faced assassin made a name for himself at Manchester Utd,

Winger recalls the trauma of relegation, takes swipe at Newcastle 

As The Spoiler watched Newacstle’s Premier League swansong in a busy Las Vegas casino sports book, a distraught Geordie shouted “Let’s torch the place!” just as the final whistle blew. The immediate appearance of dozens of security staff changed the supporter’s mind, but the point was clear: those involved with the Toon Army didn’t take relegation well. Today, it has been revealed that Damien Duff had an equally hyperbolic reaction when Captain Shearer failed to avoid the huge iceberg ahead of the SS Newcastle:

“I was feeling suicidal about the way we went down at Newcastle and wasn’t even thinking that far ahead.”

One would imagine it would take months, maybe years, for someone to come to terms with an event so tragic that it prompted thoughts of suicide, but Damien Duff is a trooper. Not only has he successfully moved back to the Premier League with Fulham, but he has even found the strength of spirit to deliver a backhanded swipe at his beloved former employers:

“It’s really exciting, from where I have come from, to come to a well-run football club and a team where everyone enjoys their job.”

Calls us pedantic, but when Duff said “suicidal about the way we went down at Newcastle”, did he actually mean “mildly peeved that I would have to move house”?