Whoever has been spreading nasty rumours about what footballers get up to once the season’s over should go and eat a massive chunk of humble pie, because not all of them sit in their pants demanding cocktails and oral sex. Some of them actually do classy things.
Yesterday, The Spoiler unfairly mocked Michael Owen, just because he thought it appropriate to leave the house dressed like The Great Gatsby, and today, Frank Lampard has been spotted shining his oily legs on a luxury yacht in sundrenched Ibiza - the beautiful island of drugs.
Capello’s first chance to show what he can do - what will the experts make of him?
If Fabio Capello does half as good a job of managing the England team as he has of convincing the press he is the sadistic head of a bleak Victorian educational academy, England should never lose again.
As tonight’s broadcast opens, Lineker’s certainly bought into it. “A new era, a new set of rules … new teacher… pass their exams…” and Ray Stubbs picks up the theme with some headmaster questions to Capello himself. Fabio doesn’t much care for the comparison, though. He prefers “serious” and “professional.”
Lineker tries the first joke of the evening by saying “Stubbsio” knows his “Fabio Capello from his Marty Pellow.”
Hansen, Shearer and Wright complete the studio line-up for Capello’s debut, and all goes much as one might expect - calm, and upbeat. Hansen is head and shoulders above the two Englishmen with strong feelings about David Beckham being denied his hundredth cap. A potential awkward moment looms when Hansen compares Beckham’s tireless, uncomplaining attitude to that of players who “in this day and age players retire for fun.” Premature retiree Alan Shearer is sitting right next to him, but lets the remark slide.
Shearer opens with a bit of a lunge, claiming Fabio “has probably got the best CV of any manager at any time…If he can’t get success we’ve got a problem…a problem bigger than we think there is.”
Ian Wright thinks “We’ve got the right man.”
A cagey start, then. Nothing controversial, but not too much insight either. Seems the pundits are as much in the dark as everyone. Will they be able to resist the educational comparisons at half-time?
Half time: England 1 Switzerland 0. England have an unpleasantly familiar look about them - toothless in front of goal, losing possession too easily, disjointed. The pundits face an awkward dilemma - be positive or be frank?
Hansen - Positive. “They’ve created chances.”
Shearer - Positive. “They’ve tried to get it down and play, and play in the right way.”
Wright - Neutral. He comments on fans booing and the quiet atmosphere. “We’re trying to do it too quickly,” apparently.
They all agree Joe Cole was great and were quite keen on Wayne Rooney’s effort, then come back after a Munich ‘58 tape suddenly very animated about David Bentley. For Shearer, he’s very nearly the man of the match so far. Strange he didn’t mention that earlier. England get off quite lightly.
Reports have abounded in the last couple of weeks of how Capello doesn’t hesitate to defend a 1-0 lead, could the second half be even more dour than the first? Please god, no.
Full time: England 2 Switzerland 1. A much more lively second half, with Rooney the pick, if a bit showboaty at times, and Switzerland didn’t just come to go to Harrods and the Lion King. The flurry of substitutions on both sides disguised some of the cracks in the defence. Gerrard gets Man of the Match, but I thought he only started playing in the last 15 minutes. The pundits will have a bit more to coo over, but that first half was creaky.
Hansen - “The big bonus is Bentley.”
Shearer - Pat on the head for the new man for “lifting a team which was so low in confidence.” “We’ll be OK”
Wright - “Like it.” “The boys didn’t panic.” “Be patient - we’ve got a guy who’s a winner.”
Broadcaster’s wife ruins perfectly good TV broadcast
Zhang Bin is feeling pretty ashamed of himself right now. As presented the relaunch of China’s main sports channel, CCTV5, he was confronted on stage by his angry wife, a fellow sports anchor.
In case you Chinese is a little rusty, she is accusing Zhang
