The Portuguese man-o-sex’s top five conquests

For those who didn’t know, Cristiano Ronaldo (full name Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro) was named after the evil American politician/actor Ronald Reagan, which, as people to be named after goes, is only a few back from calling your child Adolf, Judas or Jack the Ripper.

All of that aside, Ronaldo’s had a great couple of days - voted footballer of the year, wore a leather jacket - so to celebrate, we thought we’d have a dreamy look back on some of the more beautiful women he’s had sex with since he moved to Manchester. For probably legal/financial reasons, we haven’t included the many prostitutes.

Merche Romero

Merche (possibly pronounced “mirsh”) played the part of a Mrs Robinson character in Ronaldo’s life, being practically an old biddy at 31-years-old. A TV presenter in Portugal, when word got out that she’d been snogging Ronaldo, scores of angry young fans started threatening to kill her. They soon split up.

Gemma Atkinson

Cristiano Ronaldo is the league’s top scorer in more ways than one

It was just two weeks ago that The Spoiler featured Cristiano Ronaldo’s latest WAG Mia Judaken. Much to Jermain Defoe’s dismay, however, the tricky winger appears to be upholding his reputation as the most prolific lady killer in the league by shacking up with yet another European beauty, this time in the form of Nereida Gallardo. It’s good to see you back in the realm of fake-breasted models, Ronny. It’s where you belong.

Marcus Bent’s WAG still photogenic

Don’t bother wasting any more time pointing your camera at the Grand Canyon, your first born child or the devastating effects of war, as this morning’s Daily Star declared Gemma Atkinson’s latest shoot to be ‘The best pics you’ll EVER see in your life!’

More Gemma after the jump.

An anatomy of a Premier League star’s ink

In this snap of Marcus Bent on holiday in Spain, your eyes may be immediately drawn to the WAG with the novelty boobs laying at his feet. If you care to draw your eyes north of Gemma Atkinson, you will be treated to Bent’s incredibly veiny legs, and a little further up the picture you get Marcus’ gnarly tats.

Adorning the stomach is a word that looks like ‘GARRAD’, and on the left shoulder a design favoured by those who want a tattoo but have no idea what to get. But the right shoulder is his Pièce de résistance: just below

Young girls now look up to coke snorting models instead

A poll carried out by the bank Abbey has discovered that just one per cent of young ladies in Britain wish to follow in the footsteps of Gemma Atkinson, Danielle Lloyd and the rest of the nouveau scrubberati. Two thirds of those questioned said they wanted nothing to do with the WAG lifestyle, and instead look up to abhorrent frequent and habitual drug users powerful business-minded role models like Kate Moss.

Additionally, almost one hundred per cent of those polled were puzzled as to why a bank was conducting such a survey.

But it’s only acting, daahrling

In her greatest (read: only) acting challenge since Hollyoaks, Marcus Bent’s better half is to star in forthcoming UK film Boogie Woogie. It also features Heather Graham, Gillian Anderson and Christopher Lee, and according to the synopsis on IMDB, it has bugger all to do with disco or pornography production in the 1970s.

Gemma’s raison d’être in the film is a ‘naked lesbian romp’ with Jamie Winstone, daughter of Ray. On the subject of the girl-on-girl fling, Ms. Atkinson told OK! Magazine:

“Jamie put me at ease completely. I just got on with it and thought, come on then, this is what being an actress is about! We had a shot of vodka each and just got down to it!”

She also tells the celebrity news rag that Marcus prefers her kissing girls, rather than the men she had to fool around with on Hollyoaks. Shocking, that.

The footballer lovin’ model is about to assault the music charts

Having been romantically affiliated with Marcus Bent, Alan Smith and Cristiano Ronaldo, glamour model Gemma Atkinson is a fully fledged member of the WAG circuit. The 23-year-old Manchester lass made her name on teen soap Hollyoaks, and has since bolstered a thoroughly impressive CV with appearances on

It turns out she can belt out a song too, according to her

Christmas is a soul-crushing time of year, traditionally a low period for the miserable. Even It’s a Wonderful Life kicks off with a near suicide. But great news: while you’re transfixed by the sight of your nan chewing awkwardly on a potato like it’s the world’s stickiest toffee, don’t get all down, just remember

Gemma Atkinson calls her ‘boyf’ to bail her out of a bar tab