They’re a disgrace, a big revolting disgrace…

Okay, we’ve drooled enough over the Arshavins and the David Villas, now it’s time to load up the claws and get stuck into some massive Euro 2008 flops. These men should think about getting a new day job - especially you, Ronaldo, or whatever your name is! What’s that? It is Ronaldo? Yeah, well…. shut up!

GK Petr Cech (Czech Republic)
His mistakes were costly, the hat looks stupid, and he’s getting more and more grumpy - starting to resemble the world’s most sullen gimp.

DL Paulo Ferreira (Portugal)
Lack of match practice and being played out of position made Ferreira appalling against the Germans. Needs to locate his footballing ability.

DC Lilian Thuram (France)
In fairness, he should never have been there. Too old for the modern speedsters with their shiny trainers and spikey hairstyles. Someone needs to tell him to stop.

Once again, our well-trained internet ferret has been thrashing around in cyberspace collating information. Today, the big transfer rumbles sound like this:

Gennaro Gattuso to Tottenham
An Italian newspaper has reported that Gattuso may wish to leave AC Milan in the summer and that Manchester United and Tottenham are leading an £8 million charge for the fiery little midfielder. Being that he talks like a Scot, this could be Sir Alex’s for the nabbing, but the whisper is that Spurs are leading the way.

Zoltan Gera to Wigan
West Brom’s Hungarian playmaker has AGAIN been linked with a move to the JJB, but Wigan’s fans are bored to death of that one – it’s so 2005.

Mathieu’s teammates find cringe-worthy method of likening him to his AC Milan counterpart

At the start of this season, Mathieu Flamini earned himself a new nickname among his team-mates - Flattuso. He earned the moniker because his playing style is similar to AC Milan’s midfield enforcer Gennaro Gattuso.

Fans will get the chance to directly compare the two players tonight, and big-brained Arsene believes we will see Flattuso at his best:

“Yes he had that name. Flamini has a similar style to Gattuso because of his size and the fact he’s always up for it.