Die Mannschaft channel Sin City and a bit of Watchmen…

A little less standing around and this could’ve bested classic Nike adverts such as “No! It’s rounder,” and “Au Revoir”. Or at least that’s what The Spoiler called them in primary school.

UPDATE: Having actually watched both Nike adverts again, The Spoiler can confirm they will never be bested, ever.

Trick or Treat? Probably neither

Brian Clough famously said, “Anybody who can do anything in Leicester but make a jumper has got to be a genius.” How apt it is then, that Leicester City are tonight’s visitors at the nation’s first boutique football club, Queens Park Rangers. Sky Sports 1 offer that at 7:45 whilst at the same time on ESPN, Borussia Dortmund will be looking to swipe bottom club Hertha Berlin.

Germany vs Honduras is the afternoon offering on British Eurosport from the U17 World Cup. Get in quick - it finishes in a fortnight.

England the hors d’oeuvre ahead of an Argentine main course

Starting at 5pm, you can take your televisual pick from five meaningless World Cup qualifiers, before the real action starts at a slightly-inconvenient-if-you-work time of 11.

Germany (already through) vs Finland (already out) help ESPN stave off the test card from 5pm, before channel hoppers enter heaven at around 7. Sky Sports 2 at 6:30 is the place to be to watch Shay Given clap the crowd who in turn will be clapping him, as he wins his 100th cap against Montenegro. Meanwhile Slovenia’s inevitable win in San Marino, makes Czech Republic vs Northern Ireland (7:20 BBC red button) another dead rubber.

Liverpool TV is the place to watch the top two in Group 5. Turn on at 6:45 for Bosnia-Herzegovina vs Spain, a match Rafa doesn’t want any of his stars to play in, although presumably LFCTV advertising execs take an opposing view.

Or walk the way of ITV1 at 7:30 to watch Gabriel Agbonlahor, Ben Foster, Michael Carrick and assorted others once more prove they aren’t quite up to international football. But all this is mere flotsam and jetsam compared to the second oldest derby in international football. Separated by the widest river in the world, tonight’s result could ensure many more miles will be separating the players of Uruguay and Argentina next June. Maradona’s men need a draw to qualify, but should they lose, and Ecuador win in Chile, the World Cup 2010 will take place without the world’s best player. Sky Sports 1 at 11 for the game of the season thus far.

UPDATE The Chile vs Ecuador match bizarrely (and slightly unfairly) kicks off an hour earlier, so if the away side win that game, the second half in Montevideo really will be something.

Any predictions? Let us know below…

Is that chicken? We hope that’s chicken

Unsubstantiated rumours suggest that Bayern Munich’s Daniel van Buyten has pine kennel teeth, and shortly after this picture was taken he chewed right through the bone and swallowed it.

After yet another underwhelming performance (a draw with FC Köln helped them to 274 minutes without a goal and eighth place in the table), Die Roten’s stars ‘lederhosened up’ to celebrate the final day of Oktoberfest on Sunday.

Check out more pictures here.

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Manchester Utd photoshoppers win the billboard war
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…And they may have won the Sky Sports FanZone war too
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Phil Jagielka was robbed at knifepoint
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It’s D-Day for Newcastle as The Geordie Messiah attempts to take them to the cleaners
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‘Germany’s hottest WAG’ Nives Celzijus has a new photoshoot
[Bild]

‘Arry’s striker dilemma
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Deportivo La Coruna can’t sign Giovani Dos Santos because they didn’t read the rulebook properly
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FC Köln striker vaults a fence to show appreciation to fans

Those who dipsair at Emmanuel Adebayor’s attitude and Gary Neville’s defence of outrageous salaries can find solace in Lukas Podolski.

The Polish-born German national team striker played for FC Köln from the age of ten, but was begrudgingly sold in 2003 when Bayern Munich turned up with an irresistible €10m cheque. When the arrival of Luca Toni pushed him down the pecking order in Munich, however, Podolski returned to his childhood club for a similar €10m fee. Such was the Cologne fans’ love of their returning hero that they set up a website in order to raise money to fund the re-signing.

Since his return to North Rhine-Westphalia, Podolski has reciprocated the love shown to him by fans. Last night, FC Köln caused an upset in the DFB-Pokal cup (the German equivalent of the FA Cup)

Manic keeper caught living it up hours after defeat

The German festival of Oktoberfest (which actually happens mostly in September) is great. It takes place in Munich and provides a good excuse for everyone to get bladdered on quality beers for two and a half weeks, while dressed up in comedy blonde pigtail wigs.

However, it’s not the best place to be spotted if you’re a professional footballer whose team has just lost a bottom-of-the-table clash, and you were at fault for one of the goals.

That’s the pickle legendary ex-Arsenal keeper ‘Mad’ Jens Lehmann finds himself in today, having been dropped by Stuttgart after being snapped (pics here) gallivanting round the beer halls hours after a 2-0 defeat to FC Koln on Saturday.

Blonde beauty drops a pregnancy-based bombshell on Deutschland

Julia Gödecke came to The Spoiler’s attention thanks to her long-term relationship with Hamburger SV star Marcell Jansen. The former Miss Munich, however, split from Jansen in late 2008, soon after he left Bayern Munich for his current club. Shortly after they parted ways, however, Julia announced that she was pregnant, but kept the identity of the father a closely guarded secret.

Most people expected Mr Jansen to be applauded for his baby-making abilities, but the 25-year-old beauty yesterday revealed that the father is in fact Real Madrid’s Christoph Metzelder.