License fees wasted… 

We can all deal with cheeky misleading headlines from two-bit football blogs (ahem), but from the BBC? The home of British decency and honesty, the cornerstone of everything that is great and good, the place where the news is delivered through a firmly pinched nose? How could they do this?

Auntie, you’re a bastard.

Does the armband belong back with Terry, or should it grace another bicep?

Stevie G was handed the captaincy in Capello’s first match in charge, but should he be in command at the France game next week, and indeed in the run up to 2010? Other contenders include John Terry (who is as much of a bully as Capello, but prone to injury, unnecessary aggression and illegal parking), Rio Ferdinand (who’ll probably be too busy and ‘merking’ people), David Bentley (a young player who is likely to feature prominently in the future), Micah Richards (whose favourite film is Home Alone) or Frank Lampard (whose favourite film is a tie between Dirty Dancing and The Notebook).

What are your thoughts? Vote now!

It seems that in the world of professional football, right backs and left backs are like the hospital porters compared to the glitzy surgeons nodding them in up front. Not one of the tireless wing-backs features in the Top Fifty earners - not even Mrs Gary Neville, who you would think demands money for breakfast.

Hence, the highest earning XI finds itself having to go with a 3-4-3 formation, which in modern footballing terms, is ridiculous. Still, here they are in all their wealthy glory:

Goalkeeper: Iker Casillas (£114,750/week)

Defenders: Rio Ferdinand (£96,581), John Terry (£130,050), Sol Campbell (£105,188)

Midfield: Cristiano Ronaldo (£122,400), Frank Lampard (£130,050), Steven Gerrard (£122,400), Michael Ballack (£124,313)

Forwards: Kaka (143,438), Ronaldinho (£135,788), Fernando Torres (£126,225)

Think your rabble could beat them?