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Manchester Utd photoshoppers win the billboard war
[Off The Post]

…And they may have won the Sky Sports FanZone war too
[WithLeather]

Phil Jagielka was robbed at knifepoint
[The Guardian]

It’s D-Day for Newcastle as The Geordie Messiah attempts to take them to the cleaners
[Betfair Football]

‘Germany’s hottest WAG’ Nives Celzijus has a new photoshoot
[Bild]

‘Arry’s striker dilemma
[Sky Sports News]

Deportivo La Coruna can’t sign Giovani Dos Santos because they didn’t read the rulebook properly
[Goal.com]

A further helping of transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Ricardo Carvalho and Deco to Inter Milan
The biggest transfer news of a very slow day comes from Italy’s Sky Sport 24, who claim that Chelsea do not want Nicolas Burdisso or Maicon in exchange for Jose Mourinho’s good friends Deco and Ricardo Carvalho and are instead holding out for around £12 million for the pair.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Maicon’s agent Antonio Caliendo says that he expects his client to stay put this summer so it would make sense for Chelsea to take as much money as they can and shop elsewhere.

Felipe Melo is staying with Fiorentina
Just a day after being urged by international teammate Gilberto Silva to sign

The very latest scurrilous deadline day rumours…

With less than an hour to go, it looks like the two biggest deals of the season are about to go through…

The most dragged-out transfer deal in the world is nearly complete! Arsenal have agreed personal terms with Andrei Arshavin and a fee with Zenit, but the Russian club are currently trying to get half of his signing on fee.

Good news Tottenham fans: your Irish saviour is a few pen pushes away from playing football again, as Liverpool have officially agreed a fee with Spurs.

Charles Insomnia has officially signed a three-and-a-half year deal with Wigan. Joe Kinnear must be devastated.

Jo has officially completed his move to Everton.

Sky Sports are reporting that Manchester City may have met Blackburn’s £25m asking price for Roque Santa Cruz. A few minutes ago, the deal was “90 per cent on”. Can Allardyce and co swueeze another few million out of them before five?

It looks like Tony Adam’s last act at Pompey will not be the signing of Gio Dos Santos. The deal has fallen through.

The very latest scurrilous deadline day rumours…

Three hours to go in the transfer window and no ridiculous Manchester City rumours? Come one Garry Cook, pull your finger out!

Tottenham have been linked to Marco Materazzi and Adriano in the last few weeks, but Sky Sports News say the north Londoners are about to swap Jermaine Jenas for Inter’s Portuguese winger Ricardo Quaresma. Harry’s least favourite person with the name David Bentley may also be on his way to Italy.

Unhappy Charles Insomnia is currently having a medical at Wigan, and will escape from Kinnear’s clutches later today.

As part of the Tottenham-Portsmouth exchange network, Spurs have accepted a bid from the south coast team for Giovani Dos Santos.

It’s no secret that Jo has been a bit rubbish at Manchester City, but he will get another chance to sign at Everton, where he will be on loan for the remainder of the season.

Blackburn wanted £25m for Roque Santa Cruz but Manchester City only bid £20m. Blackburn insists their star player will not move today.

Help us figure out if anyone can rival the Welshman’s curse

After Gareth Bale’s winless streak as a Premier League footballer extended to a landmark twentieth game against Wigan yesterday, The Spoiler started to ponder if there are any other current top-flight players still left wondering what victory tastes like.

So far we’ve come up with Bale’s Mexican teammate Giovani dos Santos, who has experienced one draw and five defeats from his first six Premier League appearances. To show there’s no anti-Tottenham bias going on we can also add Arsenal’s Jay Simpson to the list after his top-flight debut on loan at West Brom ended in a 2-1 defeat to Aston Villa.

Another player who comes close but isn’t quite bad enough to make the grade is Chelsea’s Franco di Santo who has won one, drawn one and lost two of his four league appearances. If you can find anyone who is yet to win in the Premier League then let us know their record with a comment below.

Going out is much more fun when you get hammered

Twas the Tottenham Christmas party this week, and Giovani Dos Santos gave his greatest performance of the season. After enjoying the festivities at London’s Taman Gang Club, the Mexican decided not to use his injured limbs, insisting that some security men escort him away.

Clearly, he taking Ledley King’s advice on the correct way to enjoy a night out (relive the magic here , here and here).

[The Mirror via 101GG]

How to stop your team from scoring goals

Rival fans may have laughed at the fact that Tottenham finished eleventh last season after talking up their top-four credentials but one area where you couldn’t fault them was their knack of scoring goals. Their 66-goal haul was the fifth best in the league last season and even better than Chelsea’s. But Juande Ramos and Gus Poyet clearly weren’t happy with this free-scoring nature and set about enforcing a five-point plan to change things:

1. Get rid of Jermain Defoe
Juande logic: He might have scored 64 goals for the club from starting 110 games, but who needs Jermain Defoe when you’ve got Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov? By selling him to another club with European aspirations, Portsmouth, there’s no way it’ll come back and bite us. If anything, he’ll help drag them down to our level.
The reality: Defoe has scored thirteen goals in eighteen league starts for his new club and scored against Tottenham this weekend.

2. You don’t win anything with left-wingers
Juande logic: We may already have Jamie O’Hara, Didier Zokora, Tom Huddlestone, Jermaine Jenas and Aaron Lennon here already but what we really need is more midfielders who prefer playing in the centre or on the right. Bring in Luka Modric, David Bentley and Giovani dos Santos, it’ll be fun trying to figure out where to play them all. Who cares if Bentley got into the England squad for his performances on the right, let’s sling him on the left or behind the strikers. Luka Modric is known as the exciting, attacking impetus of the Croatia team but there’s no harm playing him as a holding player. Maybe I could throw him on the left too!
The reality: Spurs ended up starting Gilberto, who hasn’t looked too convincing in his preferred position of left-back, as an attacking left-winger against Portsmouth.

3. Sell one of the best strike forces in the Premier League
Juande logic: Robbie and Dimitar scored 46 goals between them last season for our bottom-half side, and the fans voted Robbie as player of the season but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be able to cope without them. They both say they want

Profit collected at White Hart Lane’s revolving door

It was revealed today on Sky Sports that just four Premier League teams made a profit over the summer and not one of them was Arsenal.

Blackburn made a net gain thanks to the £15 million they received for David Bentley and West Ham made the biggest profit of anyone after selling half of their first team. It is also being claimed that Chelsea made a profit but The Spoiler’s calculator doesn’t come to that conclusion (surely the £24.2 million spent on Deco and Jose Bosingwa exceeds the £19 million gained on Shaun Wright-Phillips, Steve Sidwell and Tal Ben-Haim?). The other team to have received more than they spent were Tottenham.