French find themselves up baguette creek without a croissant

After Franck Ribery dropped to the ground in agony, clutching those around him as if he were frantically uttering his final words, the Italians were destined to control last night’s Group B match. Still, France boss Raymond Domenech considered the defeat a ‘beautiful moment’ and found time to propose to his girlfriend live on French TV straight after the final whistle. Maybe he can put his impending payoff from his employers towards the wedding.

Despite Adrian Mutu’s attempts at covering every position on the pitch, the Romanians couldn’t break down Holland’s B team.

German captain sends the hosts packing

While dismissed Germany coach Adrien Brody Joachim Loew was kickin’ it with German chancellor Angela Merkel in the stands, Michael Ballack was busy blasting a 30-yard free kick won by Philipp Lahm.

Speaking of Philipp Lahm, why not enter our competition to win yourself a copy of Jumper here.

Slaven is allowing the squad conjugal visits

Several reasons may be given for Croatia’s unexpected victory over former tournament favourites Germany last night - the Deutscher’s lack of cohesion, Schweini’s sending off, Croatia’s ‘balls out’ attacking style - but the chaps over at The Offside Euro 2008 blog have got the famous victory figured out:

Croatia coach Slaven Bilic has banned visits to his Euro 2008 camp by friends and acquaintances but he is happy to let his players enjoy an afternoon with their wives and girlfriends … as long as they announce their visits in advance and don’t disrupt the morning and evening training sessions.

In World Cup 2006, Italy and Germany lifted the nookie ban, and the former won it while the latter finished third. So with this in mind, the ear ring-wearing rocker has landed on the correct side of the

Germans and Austrians left scratching their heads this morning

On the shock German loss, this morning’s Sun newspaper lead with “Slaven Bilic’s side finally put a smile back on our faces by sticking it to the old enemy.” Presumably, if the tournament favourites had won, it would have read “Joachim Loew’s side finally put a smile back on our faces by sticking it to the old enemy.” Either way, seeing the side that defeated us twice in qualifying also defeat a quality German team was mildly therapeutic.

In Vienna, Austria were seconds away from joining co-hosts Switzerland on the reject pile when they nabbed a last minute penalty, keeping them in the tournament for a couple more days.

Poland haven’t forgotten about that thing you did, Germany

One of the more interesting games this weekend is likely to be Sunday’s Group B clash between Poland and Germany, thanks in part to the media storm whipped up by brilliant-sounding Polish newspaper Super Express.

In an antagonistic article published this week, Poland gaffer Leo Beenhakker was instructed to “bring us their heads” by the national publication. To bring the aggressive point home, they pictured the manager clasping the bloodied heads of Michael Ballack and Joachim Loew. After the coach branded the feature “sick”, UEFA limply responded in the manner of a teacher who sees two kids fighting but carries on sitting in his chair because he can’t be bothered to go and break it up (thanks a lot, Mr Mills):

“We are