Russia and Spain complete the final eight

Last night in Innsbruck, some old Scandinavian men were given an early summer holiday by some spritely Russians. Elsewhere, some Dutch people were starting to get quite concerned.

Meanwhile, the team whose only Euro 2004 defeat was at the hands of Russia managed to lose all three of their games this time round. Bravo.

Large automobile to be exchanged for dignity

Last night, Austrian striker Ivica Vastic earned himself a lifetime’s supply of beer from a Vienna-based brewery, by slotting away an injury time penalty. In the spirit of rewarding overpaid athletes for fulfilling the criteria of their job description, Paddy Power have offered the first Spaniard to score against Sweden tomorrow night a Hummer. That’s not a ‘hummer’ in the sense that Cristiano Ronaldo and his lady-of-the-night associates may understand it, but rather one of those grotesque gas-guzzling military vehicles that they can’t shift for love nor money anymore.

There is, however, one condition for the giveaway. The Spanish scorer must also perform the ‘Chiki-Chiki’ dance - it’s a joke routine that started on Spanish television and ended up being their 2008 Eurovision entry:

How to double your value, by David Villa

Spurs and Chelsea are just two of the pack of clubs racing to steal David Villa away from Valencia, but after last night’s hat-trick they’ll performance, they’ll have to part with at least £25million for the privelege.

Over in Salzburg, Greece and Sweden did their best to bore the shit out of us for an hour, but thankfully Inter’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic (see his lovely WAG here) woke us from the coma by slotting home a superb goal of the tournament contender.