Yesterday, Today

Jamelia Superstar Picture

Make no mistake, The Spoiler has had the odd run in with the hygiene police. There was once a whole year with the same vest top, but that’s a long, disturbing, unprintable story. Jamelia, pop singer and WAG to Darren Byfield (now of Doncaster), however, has little excuse for wearing the same glistening blouse for two days in a row. The lady is minted. That’s right, woman, we’re talking to you, and yes, The Spoiler is maintaining a very beady eye on all the goings-on at London Fancy Dress Week. Be on your guard, WAGs. This will never do.

Elsewhere, Joe Cole’s sprightly young lover, smiling Carly Zucker, has been showing the people of Stepford how to correctly exercise both inside and outside a gymnasium. Witness the proof after the leap…

Liverpool captain can now blast his guns in relative privacy

The papers this morning have been making a big fuss about the monstrous £350,00 gym Steven Gerrard is building in the garden of his monstrous £2m mansion in the Merseyside suburb of Freshfield: The Daily Mail questioned if any asylum seekers were hiding inside it, The Daily Express said it never would have been built if Princess Diana were still here, while The Sun didn’t find room to cover the story as they had exclusive pictures of someone who looked vaguely like Madeleine McCann in a playground in Outer Mongolia.

Residents have correctly complained that the ‘ASDA Supermarket’-style building is not in keeping with the tacky-looking prefab mansions beautiful local properties in the area, yet the biggest concern should be that WAG Alex Curran has insisted that a solarium is included in the complex. The orange glow coming off that girl can already be seen for several miles, and if she has a personal fake tan emporium at her disposal, Merseyside will probably experience something akin to permanent sunlight. And nobody wants that - it would really confuse the owls.

More pictures after the jump…