Defender responsible for striker’s sexy new haircut

To most, Rio Ferdinand is simply a professional footballer, wind-up merchant, rapper, female steward kicker, drug test absconder and mild homophobe, but to team mate Wayne Rooney, he is also a fabulous hairdresser:

“Wayne was fed up with all the mickey taking he was getting. He’s sensitive about losing his hair - just like any lad of his age.

“But he decided to get rid of the lot, handed Rio the clippers and basically said, ‘Do your worst!’ “

The Sun believes balding Wayne and his ‘missus’ are very happy with the shaved head he displayed for West Ham’s visit on Wednesday, because he kept it for the Hull game. Which was three days later. Were they expecting him to grow it out into dreadlocks or something? Or maybe a comedy Scouse wig?

Hello handsome…

Time was when only murderers, racists and kids with chewing gum in their hair went for the “number one” all over, but now - thanks to people like Dominic Littlewood and the Dalai Lama - it’s totally fine to have it all zipped off. In fact, it’s so commonplace that when Rooney turned up to training this morning, only half of the squad started trembling, and Fabio Capello resisted the urge to run away shrieking, and just got on with it.

Rachel Cut, Mr Hairdresser? No, The Spoiler will have a Rooney Cut from now on, thanks.

… check out some of these German beauties

While Chris Waddle used to cultivate a mullet that any NASCAR enthusiast would be proud of, German footballers of the eighties really cornered the market on awesome hairstyles and  handlebar ‘face art’.

Visit our friends at Bild to see even more incredibly stylish barnets.

As you peruse today’s links, consider the fun you could have with a pair of flip flops and some superglue…

Nigeria’s coach has demanded their Olympic team get haircuts before the Beijing tournament
[WithLeather]

Bet on Manchester Utd getting a third consecutive league title
[chickendinner]

Will vile scumbag Joey Barton be forced to take a pay cut?
[Football 365]

For our American fans: How to pick a Premier League team to support
[USA Today via The Offside]

The latest lady of loose morals who claims to have been at it with Cristiano Ronaldo
[Machochip]

Our friends at Grid Crasher believe they may have discovered the Stig’s identity
[Grid Crasher]

Chubby Brazilian sex machine goes a bit gangster

Following his puzzling decision to mimic Fred West’s curly ‘fro last year, Ronaldo (the one who loves saturated fats, not hooker fivesomes) has taken his ‘do’ in a new direction.

In this weekend’s 1-0 victory over Udinese, Ronny tightened up his double chin with a set of corn rows.

As demonstrated in the picture below, this

Portuguese man-o’-sex’s hair sculpting takes a new direction

I was toying with going with hotshot 90s businessman or classic DeNiro, but The Beautiful Game beat me to it with this excellent Ronaldo lookalike.