Belarusian suffering chronic case of stupid comment disease

Back in May, precious little Alex Hleb needed an excuse to get away from London, and decided to cite the noise - rather than bendy buses, overcrowding and Jade Goody - as a reason. Shortly after making these comments, he joined Barcelona, where honking car horns at night is considered mandatory and drunken screaming is the most common method of communication.

Yesterday, he added further fuel to the weak transfer excuse fire by inferring that his time in Blighty was marred by chaos (”In London things were very different, but there is no problem because we are professional and we can adapt to anything”) and that he is looking forward to his first real Christmas in Catalonia:

“Playing so many games in a short space of time over Christmas was very hard.

“For me, my family and Christmas are the best things in life, and I have been unable to see that for many years. Now I will be able to.”

The poor little darling, who was occasionally handsomely paid forced to travel around the country on Christmas Day, has also started whining about Hearts holding his brother to ransom:

“It would have been good had my brother come to Scotland but I don’t understand the politics of [Hearts owner] Romanov.

“He has been a short time in charge of Hearts

FIFA President’s support of C-Ron becomes oh so clear

Sepp Blatter’s ridiculously misplaced comments about “modern slavery” gained the support of just one man: Cristiano Ronaldo. Even Chris Powell of the PFA, an organisation so concerned about player welfare that they will protect Joey Barton, told Blatter to issue a retraction.

Does the Swiss looney really believe anything he has even said though or is there a secret agenda behind every ridiculous word he utters? After all it’s clear the powers-that-be have a problem with English teams dominating Europe, and that Ronaldo joining Real Madrid would appease them as it would weaken the Champions League holders.

Less than six months ago, Blatter hit out at the Court of Arbitration in Sport’s decision to lower the compensation Andy Webster would have

Today’s transfer rumours, myths, hearsay and nonsense

Thus far in the closed season, the papers have been doing a sterling job of filling the back pages with half-truths and rumour. Throughout Euro 2008, the dailies have adhered to the following strict formula: (1) spot a player who is playing very well, then (2) link him with Chelsea. Today, it’s the turn of Russia’s soup du jour…

Andrei Arshavin to Chelsea
The logic is clear: Abramovich is close to the Russia squad, Arshavin has impressed at Euro 2008 and Scolari has a “blank chequebook.” So why is it only The Daily Star that have picked up on it?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Strong possibility

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
So the big transfer story of the weekend is the one that’s already been dragging on for weeks. Scolari has said Ronaldo will leave, Zidane has urged Madrid to break their transfer record and Ronaldo is expected to make another statement asking to go.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Just sell him already!

Darren Bent to Everton
The newspapers have decided to take a well-earned break from linking the Spurs flop with West Ham, Sunderland and Celtic, and have decided that Everton are now the favourites to sign him up.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A step up?

Louis Saha to Bolton
Gary Megson is finally admitting defeat

The best sports on the telebox tonight

The odds on a Barcelona win in the Copa Del Rey tonight are a measly 1/2, but you may find a little more value from Blue Square who are offering a more plausible evens on Messi and co winning the competition outright. Elsewhere, you can get an impressive 12/1 on Middlesbrough to go through to the FA Cup quarters on penalties tonight, and 9/2 on an upset when Rangers visit Hearts. Hey, it could happen…

Scottish Premier League
Hearts/ Rangers (Setanta Sports 1, 7.45pm)

FA Cup fifth Round Replay
Middlesbrough/ Sheffield Utd (BBC1, 8.05pm) - betting guide and statistics here

Copa Del Rey Semi-Final First Leg
Barcelona/ Valencia (Sky Sports 1, 9pm)

The best sports on the telebox this weekend

Kevin Keegan’s latest stint at Newcastle will undoubtedly be the highlight of a packed weekend for armchair sportsfans – will his rejuvenated side be able to get the better of Bolton? Check out our preview here, then place your