MOTD host and WAG take sixth break in ten months

According to Britain’s favourite red top tabloid, Gary Lineker is currently living it up in Barbados with his current lady friend Danielle Bux. There’s nothing strange about that, except when you consider it is the third time they have been to the Caribbean destination in the past ten months, and in the same brief time period, Lineker’s gruelling work schedule has allowed for three additional romantic getaways in Miami, Vienna and Rome. It’s clearly a hard life working for the Beeb.

WAGs currently drifting on the periphery of the Premier League (we’re looking at you, Meares and Lloyd) have much to learn from Danielle. By bagging an ex-pro rather than a current player, she may have to put up with moaning about back pain and receding hairlines, but there’s no pesky season to get in the way of the good life. Enjoy those cocktails, Ms. Bux, you and your initiative thoroughly earned them.

Man bathes, woman goes out drinking…

For those of you who spent the weekend swanning around at the Cartier International Polo in Windsor, you didn’t miss too much. Cristiano Ronaldo continued his vigorous stateside holidaying, further pushing the limits of his tan, which is now a deep leather. Whether or not he will ever return to playing football is anyone’s guess.

Meanwhile in the breezy English getaway of Gants Hill in Essex, the big talk was that Danielle Lloyd had come to town to enjoy some wines and cheeses at Faces nightclub. She turned up wearing her trademark Rolling Stones vest/dress, accompanied by the coolest man in the world.

See both of them after the jump…

Man allows woman out of cage… for a bit

Footballers are adored by women. You’ve seen them, hanging around in clubs, sweeping up girls like they were big bosomy clumps of dust and they were the world’s most efficient vacuum cleaner. Hence, they can get away with all sorts of strange demands when they’re on holiday with their eager sexual partners.

Wayne Rooney famously insists on sitting motionless in swimming pools for entire weeks. Rio Ferdinand likes to do his drinking in the sea. But stranger and more outrageous than anyone The Spoiler’s witnessed this summer is Luka Modric - the gifted Croatian winging his way to Spurs this season.

A perfectly able-bodied young footballer, he demands that his bikini’d girlfriend, Vanja Bosnic, helps with his suncream application. What’s wrong with that? You probably just yelled at your computer, punching your desk as hard as you could. Well, he insists that she even covers his front bits, from chest to stomach - places he could easily reach using his own greasy hands.

Poolside behaviour has never been stranger or more demeaning.

Another shocking picture after the jump.

England players, look away now! 

Nothing upsets the eyes more than spotting your boss in a non-work situation, and realising that the man who sends chills through your blood every single day of the week spends his summers in tight Speedos, dangling his spindly legs over the side of dreamy sailboats in Italy.  Probably with his topless wife, who’s old enough to be your topless grandmother.

Spoiler bonus: more ‘tiny pants on a boat’ action from a fat Craig Charles look-alike here

Porky striker slays the dragon named dignity in Ibiza

After seeing his Portuguese namesake sport some unecessarily tiny swimwear in Sardinia, Brazilian Ronaldo has decided to up the sexy stakes by showing the world his super-hot skimpy pants.

The AC Milan star - said to have been released by his club following a season-ending knee injury - yesterday sat aboard a yacht in Ibiza displaying a belly that would make Ronaldinho proud. The ‘Kramer’ hairstyle really tops off a look befitting of a megastar whose dating record includes supermodels, TV presenters and various other ladies who wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot ugly stick if he wasn’t famous.

The lady averting her eyes from the sight of his growing paunch is WAG Bia Anthony, who is rumoured to be pregnant. Obviously his stunning physique and unfaltering loyalty have made her forgive him for solicitng transvestite prostitutes.

See the sexiest picture of the summer after the jump…

Footballer refuses to end holiday and aid criminal proceedings

Portsmouth defender Sylvain Distin will be hauled before a judge for contempt of court as he refused to give evidence in Joey Barton’s recent trial. The stand against the court order didn’t represent a show of solidarity for his former team mate or a moral objection to the British judicial system - the Frenchman had much more pressing matters to attend to:

“You can lock me up for ten years, I’m not coming back off my holiday.”

[The Sun]

Sexy couple goes sunbathing, people take pictures

Caught in the whirlwind of a Ferguson rage, about to embark on a mission entitled “turn all Man United fans against me”, only recently spat out of Euro 2008 and straight into The Spoiler’s most disappointing XI, Cristiano Ronaldo would be wise to rest up while he can. And so he has. In boiling hot Italy no less, with the sturdy young woman currently lugging around his heavy heart in her back pocket. Her name, of course, is Nereida Gallardo - you probably know her as the most popular WAG on the planet. Regardless of the fact that she has the look of a woman who likes her eggs raw and by the dozen.

More steamy holiday pics after the jump.

UK’s finest take note…

WAGs are funny. So tanned, so moisturised, so pretty, but informally ask one if she’s going to remove her top any time soon, and the air will suddenly chill - it’s as if you’ve said something wrong/inappropriate. Weird.

One WAG who isn’t so uptight when it comes to removing clothes, however, is Sweden’s Oksana Andersson - singer, model, resting place for Deportivo’s Christian Wilhemsson. You won’t find her sneering down her nose at the thought of going topless on the beach, and, not only that, but she won’t even dump her boyfriend for making abominable fashion blunders like shorts-with-braces (above). What a gal!

See what happens when Oksana no longer requires the top half of her bikini after the jump…

Part one of The Spoiler’s in-depth WAG holiday analysis

Without the need to attend a European Championships, it’s only natural that the nation’s premier supporting ladies have escaped the thoroughly unpredictable English weather for sunnier climes.

Pictured above is Steven Gerrard using a common Liverpudlian communication technique to attract the attention of his lovely wife Alex Curran while relaxing in Miami. See more pictures of Mrs Gerrard here.

Over in Italy, former Miss Ireland Claudine Palmer is enjoying her honeymoon with brand new hubby Robbie Keane. He’s in the photo waving at the camera, but the wee lad only comes up to her shin. See more of Claudine here.

More WAG holiday madness after the jump…

AC/PC’s privacy invaded yet again. Oh well.

Last week we saw young Ms Clancy parading around a Caribbean beach in a tiny bikini (available from H&M for £18, according to the laydeez at Kickette), but now she’s decided to cast it aside and wave goodbye to tan lines. A wise decision, I think you’ll agree.

See the fun version of the picture above and plenty more here and here