Liverpool star is an excellent pretend rocker, apparently
The folks at Popbitch seldom miss the mark when it comes to juicy gossip and little-known facts, and in this week’s newsletter they supply details of Dirk Kuyt’s incredulous past:
Dirk Kuyt was the air guitar champion of Holland for four years running.
Could it be true? Did the Dutchman shun training to learn air scales and perfect his air finger tapping technique? Or is this story as real as, well, Dirk’s guitar?
If you have any info on Mr Kuyt’s pseudo-musical side, let us know.
Perhaps one day someone will start a sentence with “there’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman” without it being a joke about people in boxes saying “potatoes” - it could even be used to introduce a Great British football line up. How wonderful would that be? Although, of course, the Irishman would have to come from the less green-grassy part of the emerald isle, and more the cobbled street bit where horses run wild (that’s the north, right?). Until that day, though, we’re going to have to content ourselves by gazing jealously at the other countries who get to call their footballers Olympians. Here’s eleven to keep a hungry eye on this year…
GK Brad Guzan, USA
Aston Villa’s (other) new American goalkeeper called Brad, the USA’s decision to make him one of their three over-23 players - he turns 24 during the tournament - shows just how great he is. That, of course, will count for nothing when he gets to Villa and warms the bench for the next decade, as Friedel becomes steadily more decrepit but still brilliant.
DL Marcelo, Brazil
Real Madrid signed the left wing-back in 2007 and he became a regular starter last season, pushing Gabriel Heinze into the centre. Unsurprisingly, he gets compared to Roberto Carlos - everyone does - and found the net on his international debut against Wales.
DC Vincent Kompany, Belgium
For those who spend their weekends playing Football Manager instead of talking to girls, you already know this guy, he’s one of the best buys in the game, damn it! And as it turns out, the 22-year-old isn’t too shabby in real life either. Right now he’s at Martin Jol’s Hamburg, and The Spoiler’s computerised West Ham.
DC Ezequiel Garay, Argentina
With all the Ronaldo talk this summer, Garay’s arrival at the
Dutch youngster Roy Beerens (right) clearly went to the Vinnie Jones school of getting to grips with opposing players. Muchos thank yous to Eugenia for the spot.
After Abbey Clancy’s convincing victory in the transatlantic WAG battle yesterday, the penultimate round sees a former NFL cheerleader take on a TV presenter whose marriage to Rafael van der Vaart was broadcast live on Dutch television…
Rubbish Frenchmen help Sneijder claim coveted prize
According to the voting masses at the UEFA website, Wesley Sneijder’s sublime effort against France was the ‘most beautiful’ goal of the tournament. Enjoy it above before those YouTube meanies take it away…
Apparently, the team who convincingly defeated Holland last week were playing a match against Spain in Vienna last night. I’ve been studying the video above to discover whether this was the case, but I’m still not entirely convinced. Either way, it looks like Guus Hiddink’s sterling record of never reaching an international final rages on…
These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…
As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…
GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.
DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.
DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)
Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.
Attraction to all things orange leads supporters into trouble
Up until Holland’s impromptu exit from Euro 2008 at the weekend, Switzerland’s National Railway had told its workers to stop wearing orange reflective jackets. According to Reuters, Dutch fans, presumably high and transfixed on their army of good looking supporters (see above), are inexplicably attracted to anyone or anything sporting their national colour:
Switzerland’s national railway has told its workers to stop using their normal orange reflective vests after confused Dutch soccer fans started following them on to the tracks.
A railway spokesman said the changed strip had been prompted by an incident in the Swiss capital Berne when a group of Netherlands supporters followed a worker on to the lines after mistaking his uniform for their traditional orange dress.
As a solution to this problem, the railway folk have been donning vests lent to them by the Police instead. The colour? Bright yellow. Let’s hope there’s no more Swedes knocking about in the neutral country…
French find themselves up baguette creek without a croissant
After Franck Ribery dropped to the ground in agony, clutching those around him as if he were frantically uttering his final words, the Italians were destined to control last night’s Group B match. Still, France boss Raymond Domenech considered the defeat a ‘beautiful moment’ and found time to propose to his girlfriend live on French TV straight after the final whistle. Maybe he can put his impending payoff from his employers towards the wedding.
Despite Adrian Mutu’s attempts at covering every position on the pitch, the Romanians couldn’t break down Holland’s B team.
Car company capture spirit of cheating in Euro 2008 advert
If Les Bleus are attempting to befriend their Dutch cousins so that they may show them some mercy in their final group game tonight, they’re going about it the wrong way.
Why have Toyota chosen to pick on the Oranje in this advert anyway? Sure, Arjen Robben goes down like a sack of shit when the breeze blows, but no one hates the Dutch. (Well, except Michael Caine in that third Austin Powers film.)
It’s the Italians they should be accusing of foul play. If you need to know why, check out Alberto Gilardino’s beaut of a fall against Celtic after the jump…
Dutchman forced to choose between country and future club career
Dutch boss Marco van Basten is perfectly within his rights to field a weakened team against Romania tonight (”It’s not against the rules, it’s a fact of life,” said UEFA spokesman William Gaillard), and eliminating the possibility of meeting France or Italy in the semi-finals would appear to be a wise move. However, former Italy gaffer Cesare Maldini has claimed the Dutchman can forget about coaching in Milan if he rolls over Portugal-stylee tonight:
“Van Basten has a two year contract [with Ajax after the Euros] but I know that after he wants to come to coach in Italy.
“Will it be at Milan? We will see. But for sure he will want to arrive in Italy with a clean slate, and he cannot do this by losing to the Romanians on purpose.”
The word ‘vendetta’ comes from Italian (I know, I was surprised too), so there’s little chance the boot-shaped nation will forgive and forget the coach if he fields a weakened side against Adrian Mutu and co tonight. But will he succumb to Italian pressure? Is he even interested in the AC Milan job? Let us all know your thoughts with a comment below.
Raymond Domenech subscribes to chickendinner’s theory
France boss Raymond Domenech has started to crack under the pressure of being pretty rubbish, and has admitted he fears Holland will conspire to cost Italy and France a place in the next round.
Holland have been cleared to play a weakened team against Romania and if they lose, Romania progressahead of Italy and France as runners-up, with the Dutch still topping the group, which could prove convenient for Marco Van Basten’s side when the semi-finals arrive.
Domenech, rambling like a madman consumed by paranoia, said:
“Our game against Italy will not be decisive. It’s the other match that matters. My opinion is Holland will make wholesale changes for the game on Tuesday night and it is already written that Romania will qualify with them from the group.”
Of course what he neglects to mention is the only reason Romania control their fate is that France were awful against them and had they actually beaten Romania, then their destiny would be in their own hands…
