It’s Cristiano Ronaldo’s new American BFF

Vapid hotel heiress and socialite Paris Hilton needs no introduction, but it looks like she’s getting one anyway. The singer, actress, model, entreprenuer and amatuer bongo star has dabbled in the world of Waggery  - enjoying relationships with Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart and former baseball pro Doug Reinhardt - but enters the big leagues this week after snaring Cristiano Ronaldo at an LA nightclub.   

Two of the world’s biggest libidos collide in LA

One is an over-sexed fame hungry whore who will do anything for attention, and the other is Paris Hilton.

In news that will surprise absolutely no one, Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his transfer to Real Madrid in the company of one of America’s biggest waste of blood and organs.

By means of an incredible coincidence which could not have been pre-arranged, the Portuguese man-o-sex chanced upon the blonde heiress at Hollywood nightclub My House, where the tricky winger spent around £15,000 on drinks. Always one to slay the dragon named dignity, Miss Hilton draped herself over the him for the rest of the evening, allowing her black dress to ride up somewhere near her armpits.

Soon after, the pair headed to a Hollywood mansion owned by Paris’ sister Nicky. Due to the fact that Hollywood mansions are very cramped and curtains have yet to be introduced in the continental United States, they had no choice but to parade themselves in front of a window that looked out onto the waiting paparazzi. After around two hours in the home of US royalty, C-Ron was driven away.

Has he found a new love? Has he been given another reason to visit the VD clinic? Stay tuned on The Spoiler to find out!

The Walk of Fame never looked so good

Somehow, we never saw the Living TV’s stupidly-named 2007 Abbey and Janice: Beauty and the Best. The premise of the show was that mouthy has been Janice Dickinson took Abbey Clancy under her wing, in a quest to help the young WAG become a supermodel in the States. In reality, however, it was just a gigantic excuse to get Abbey into as many different sets of lingerie as possible. A gigantic, brilliant excuse.

Take a look at Mrs Peter Crouch’s underdressed exploration of Hollywood Boulevard above, then peruse her lingerie fitting and bikini photoshoot from the same show. It’s what the intertubes were made for.

[Dirty Tackle]

… and also play for some football team

Swedish underwear peddler Freddie Ljungberg has landed back on his feet after West Ham tore up his contract - he will now be playing with brand spanking new MLS outfit the Seattle Sounders. As the team’s ‘designated player’ (the person they can pay far more than everyone else), Fredrik will earn a tidy $2.5m over a two year contract.

According to today’s Sun, Ljungberg chose to join Kasey Keller at the Washington club because no one else would have him their owners “vowed to make him a film star”. The main shareholder in the club is Joe Roth, a film producer and director, who has been chairman at 20th Century Fox and Disney. Another owner is actor and comedian Drew Carey, whose strange spectacles can be seen on The Drew Carey Show, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and the US version of The Price Is Right.

A ’source’ at The Sun says:

“Freddie’s keen to break into movies. Joe is extremely influential in that scene.”

Will Freddie become the new Vinnie Jones in Hollywood (which is approximately 1,200 miles from Seattle)? Or could it be that the ’source’ at the red top newspaper is simply putting two and two together to come up with five and a few extra column inches? Only time will tell…

Courtesy of our pals at Polite Applause…

If you haven’t been to America, you should go, the place is amazing. Everything’s huge, people speak with hilarious pretend voices, and the national dish is beefburgers and chicken wings. Fantastic. Also big in the US is baseball - it’s their version of cricket - and this woman, Alyssa, is a fanatic. So much so that she designs baseball clothes for lady fans, owns an LA Dodgers season ticket, and has shared intimate lovemaking moments with Brad Penny, Carl Pavano, Barry Zito, Russell Martin and Tom Glavine - all big sports stars who are the American equivalents of Boycott, Gower, and Beefy.

Other than that, she’s a gorgeous Hollywood actress, who once starred as Arnie’s daughter in his action adventure film, Commando, about a man who leaves the house without any knickers on.

More steamy pictures after the jump…

Sportswear mogul plans to become movie mogul

Today’s Daily Mirror brings news that will delight Geordies - Mike Ashley plans to sell Newcastle (possibly to this man) and up sticks to California.

After realising that he has the physique of Harvey Weinstein, he has decided to pursue his dream of making movies:

Billionaire Mr Ashley, 45, has spent the past week in the US wining and dining film executives. And he has told pals he is willing to “sell Newcastle tomorrow” if he finds a £250million buyer - and then amazingly wants his own movie studio.

A source close to the Toon tycoon said: “He’s fallen in love with Hollywood

Say “hello, actress” to AN ACTRESS

It’s not just our footballers who dip into the glamourous world of entertainment to find their girlfriends, American sportsmen do it too. Brad Penny, a famous baseball player with the LA Dodgers, insisted on taking an actress for a WAG. For those uninitiated into American culture, baseball is their version of rounders, and his actress girlfriend is a popular thespian called Eliza Dushku.

“Look at me!” screams Mr. B’s ridiculous ride

David Beckham is a man whose celebrity attracts an incredible amount of attention whenever he hits the streets, and some days he needs to slip around Los Angeles anonymously, so he may run errands and shield his children from the glare of the world’s media. Yesterday was not one of those days, as the LA Galaxy star took his brand new $407,000 Rolls Royce Drophead Coupe for a spin around Beverly Hills. A Roller is a classic choice for a distinguished gentleman, but no human being in the world could possibly look good in this bastardised Pimp My Ride version. His new toy only gets eleven miles to the gallon, meaning he’ll probably have to fill up by the time he reaches the end of his driveway.

See more pics of Lord Beckington squiring his younglings about town here.

[WithLeather via Celebslam]