Say “hello, actress” to AN ACTRESS

It’s not just our footballers who dip into the glamourous world of entertainment to find their girlfriends, American sportsmen do it too. Brad Penny, a famous baseball player with the LA Dodgers, insisted on taking an actress for a WAG. For those uninitiated into American culture, baseball is their version of rounders, and his actress girlfriend is a popular thespian called Eliza Dushku.

“Look at me!” screams Mr. B’s ridiculous ride

David Beckham is a man whose celebrity attracts an incredible amount of attention whenever he hits the streets, and some days he needs to slip around Los Angeles anonymously, so he may run errands and shield his children from the glare of the world’s media. Yesterday was not one of those days, as the LA Galaxy star took his brand new $407,000 Rolls Royce Drophead Coupe for a spin around Beverly Hills. A Roller is a classic choice for a distinguished gentleman, but no human being in the world could possibly look good in this bastardised Pimp My Ride version. His new toy only gets eleven miles to the gallon, meaning he’ll probably have to fill up by the time he reaches the end of his driveway.

See more pics of Lord Beckington squiring his younglings about town here.

[WithLeather via Celebslam]

Proof that awful hair doesn’t harm a film career

Of all the players on the current LA Galaxy roster, one would expect David Beckham to be the first to break into Hollywood. However, follicle-artist Abel Xavier, who previously made crowds titter at Everton, Liverpool and Middlesbrough, has beaten him to it.

Xavier will star as a hitman in the forthcoming (straight-to-DVD) release Without Fear. His character is a vicious killer, turned evil by a childhood experience involving his mother and a rogue gang of goat herders, who is seeking revenge on an internal affairs agent whose great grandfather put a curse on his family that means Xavier can only communicate through a complicated system of clapping. All the while, he must pull off hits to raise funds for the puppy injury clinic that will be bulldozed and turned into a sweatshop if he doesn’t act. Will he triumph as a renegade maverick with a heart of gold? Find out soon!

(This could be the plot of the film, or maybe it’s just the outline of the screenplay I’ve secretly been working on for months and have unsuccessfully submitted to every studio going. It’s hard to say.)

[Sniffing the Touchline]