Will the real Mrs Steven Gerrard please stand up

If Alex Curran mugged me and I had to pick her out of this lineup at the police station, I think I’d just shut my eyes, point and hope for the best.

[Picture: Kickette]

Alex has done her bit to support the British horse racing industry, and now its your turn - have a Grand National punt with the help of chickendinner here. Also, get a free £25 bet with Betfair here.

The Grand National, Saturday, 4.15pm, BBC One, bet here

Some professionals you see daily - your colleagues, for instance, or the man who mixes your cocktail. Others, like the butcher, weekly. Some you cross paths with once every six months, such as the dentist, while a tiny number are the subject of once-a-year interaction. Such as Father Christmas. And for a large group of people, the local bookmaker. Well people, that time is now, with the National imminent, and if you are one of those who keeps this old-fashioned relationship with your turf accountant, here’s a newsflash. You don’t need to go to a betting shop to place a bet, you can do it online. Here. And like puppies at Christmas, that relationship doesn’t have to be a temporary one, they’re open on the other 364 days too. Yes, they will take your money with outrageous nonchalance. But then doesn’t everyone nowadays?

If you’re still not sure where to place your money, go to chickendinner for

The Grand National, Saturday, 4.15pm, BBC One, bet here

When it comes to picking a winner at the Grand National, everyone has a different method - some put on blindfolds, scatter bits of paper with horses names on into a clay pot and then select at random. The handsome devils at chickendinner, however, tend to use things such as facts and logic to conjure up a winner. They’ve whittled it down to one horse, and are kind enough to share the secret with you:

» The last time a horse won with odds longer than 33/1 was in 1995 (Royal Athlete, 40/1). Eliminating all those with longer odds than 33/1, and we’re left with twenty-three horses in contention.

» The winner must have won a three-mile plus race - that counts out King John’s Castle, Royal County Star and Patsy Hall. Twenty left.

» Experts insist that the winner should be carrying between 10 and 11 stone. That eliminates Slim Pickings, Simon, Butlers Cabin, Snowy Morning, Mr Pointment, Chelsea Harbour, Hedgehunter, Lami, Vodka Bleu, Knowhere and Turko. Nine remain.

» Only six favourites have won since 1960 - that eliminates Cloudy Lane. Eight left.

The Grand National, Saturday, 4.15pm, BBC One, bet here

Monday morning - not the traditional moment for the week’s heavy lifting, but that hasn’t stopped film star and theatrical dream weaver Kevin Spacey fearlessly going for the jugular of one of the great threats to the nation’s integrity: reality television. Mr Spacey’s objection is to the BBC’s support of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Oliver” thing. “Where’s my thirteen week promotion?” he whines. “Come again?” tops the list of responses. But reality has lost its gloss: Celebrity Big Brother - appalling. The new American Idol - boring. I could go on, but an antidote is at hand: the Grand National. Forty horses, thirty fences, just jump over them and keep on running. No gimmickry, no cod

Cheltenham Gold Cup, Friday, 3.30pm, bet here

People are always debating this thing against that thing, often forgeting that there are loads of other things in between which are great too. For example, everyone knows that gingers are better than blondes or brunettes, and that amongst the many legs and breast men lurks a secret society made up of discerning bottom men. So, at the races this weekend, it mightn’t be all about Kuato Star and Denman - flying out of leftfield comes option 3: Exotic Dancer. But can he do it?

Betting on the Cheltenham Festival? Get a free £10 bet with Paddy Power or Ladbrokes when you open an account.

Why bet on Exotic Dancer

» Exotic Dancer is the favourite in the market without Kauto Star and Denman.

But the Gold Cup will still go on

As you can see from the snap above, the corporate hospitality section of the Cheltenham festival is no longer as cosy as was once intended. Even though the men in suits may have to enjoy their prawn sandwiches in the rain, the Gold Cup is still going ahead this Friday, and you can watch it from the relative comfort of your home or office from 3.15.

Betting on the Cheltenham Festival? Get a free £10 bet with Paddy Power or Ladbrokes when you open an account. But before you take the plunge, take in the chickendinner Gold Cup preview.

Cheltenham Gold Cup, Friday, 3.15pm, bet here

If you’re like most people in this country, you parted company with an interest in horses shortly after you realised they couldn’t really speak or fly. Televised racing’s attempt to fill the gap, all honey-voiced commentators droning on with their mysterious vocabulary, too often felt like an afternoon at the hands of a foreign hypnotist. This week’s Cheltenham festival, which starts tomorrow, is an opportunity to reconsider that relationship, with a Gold Cup on Friday that promises the kind of drama Friday afternoons have been criminally lacking for years. Two wonderhorses - the athletic Kauto Star and the powerful Denman - make this the most anticipated race in decades. To take full advantage of the Gold Cup experience without actually attending, you’ll need to have a few drinks beforehand - champagne for the better-offs, beer for the riff-raff - and have a sod of fragrant turf handy from which to breathe deeply every so often. Then you just need to get a bet on and shout stuff at the telly. If you’re not sure what, try “But you promised me you could fly!” Even if you lose, you’ll feel a whole lot better.

To bet online, you can open an account with Paddy Power who will give you a free £10 bet.

Or if you just want to check the best odds, visit the oddschicken.

The statistics

* Kauto Star has only been beaten once in his last ten starts.