Also appearing on a computer near you…

Portsmouth’s Sulaiman Al Fahim is in hospital with a mystery illness
[Daily Mail]

100 pictures of Dutch überWAG Sylvie van der Vaart
[DJ Mick]

The ten greatest ‘almost goals’ of all time
[The Offside]

Mario Balotelli wants to hug you
[Dirty Tackle]

Michael Owen injury update
[The Mirror]

Danielle Lloyd’s fishy dream
[Kickette]

This non league side’s pitch doesn’t seem to conform to internationally-recognised standards
[Off The Post]

Brazilian striker learns the perils of minty fresh breath

Maybe he wanted to look cool, or maybe he has a frightening fear of halitosis, but Vasco da Gama striker Aloisio decided it would be a good idea to chew gum during a Brazilian second division match with Brasiliense on Tuesday night. His plan soon backfired, however, when he went up for an awkward aerial challenge, which left him unconscious and choking on his Wrigleys.

Fortunately, Vasco medics responded quickly:

“It was a very serious situation,” Vasco doctor Paulo Cesar Rocha said Wednesday. “Luckily, we identified the problem quickly and took the gum out to help him breathe again.”

After being whisked off in an ambulance (could you imagine an ambulance being allowed to drive on a Premier league pitch? The groundsmen would have kittens, and those kittens wouldn’t be allowed on the pitch) Alosio recovered in hospital, and has been barred from physical activity for a week as a precaution against his own stupidity.

[AP via Dirty Tackle]

Chelsea striker probably won’t be fit for Champions League match

According to reports in the press, Nicolas Anelka missed Tuesday’s match with Portsmouth thanks to a bruised toe, an injury that will keep him out of Saturday’s FA Cup clash with Coventry.

Those who were hoping the striker would be fit for the Juventus game next week, however, may be disappointed - according to a trusted Spoiler spy, the toe is not bruised, it is broken. He is being treated in hosiptal today.

Oxford Utd lad spreads hatred via social networking site

In the summer we brought you news of the Crystal Palace youngster who revealed an impending transfer to Fulham on his facebook feed (unsurprisingly, it fell through), and now another footballer has been misusing the popular website.

Oxford Utd midfielder Sam Deering broke his leg during a Boxing Day tie, and decided it would be best to make his friends aware of his hosiptal recovery through the intertubes. Deering changed his Facebook status to “Sam is not very amused in this hospital bed, so bored!” A concerned friend then joked: “Hope you have got some sexy nurses looking after you.” The 21-year-old winger then casually replied: “Nah, there [sic] f***ing pakis LOL.”

Over 1,000 Facebook users were able to see his comment. Idiot.

[Off The Post]